Your words resonate - one day my clever witty thoughtful generous husband was here and the next day he was gone. No warning, no goodbyes, he actually walked into the ambulance on Christmas Eve, I was meant to go to the hospital to pick him up later. Then I got the call to say he’s become unwell and then he was gone.
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That must of been such a shock for you. Devastating. I’m so sorry . I feel I’m stuck in a time warp. Watching life go by . But I really have no interest in living it without my husband . We had been together since we were both 16, he died at 59. All my adult life spent with him . I really don’t know how I have got through the last two years, it’s like I am two people , the one that goes to work and seems as if I’m doing ok , then, the real me , that cries every night . And just finds everything so pointless. Xtake carex
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Jupiter 19 I’m so sorry for your loss that is terrible especially at that time of the year just couldn’t imagine what your going through you take care
Hello Broken222 I call it being stuck in a tunnel trying to get out but as much as you try to move forward something pushes you back that’s how I feel but I must admit coming on here as helped me but I still cry every single day you take care
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I totally get it about something pushing you back . When my husband first died ,I felt like I was trying to climb a big wall that I couldn’t see the top of it . I kept trying but kept falling . Then the wall fell down , and I just sat looking at it knowing I had to rebuild it before I could try that climb again . I’m still just sitting , not knowing how to rebuild it or really wanting to . …
Yes this site has been such a lifeline for me , people understand and care x
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We were together since we were 18 and he died at 61 - like you I have lived my whole adult life with him by my side. We were self employed so I have no work to go back to - the business is now being closed down - my whole life is being dismantled piece by piece even silly things like the bank accounts now just being in my name - his subscription to Amazon Music now about to close etc etc.
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I like your analogy - yes, I’m just sitting, I’m at my happiest when I’m on the sofa, cup of tea in hand talking to his photo I don’t even want background noise. I agree with you about this site, really helpful.
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Jupiter19 I know exactly how you feel my daughter in law took me to bank to have his name taken off the account and just put it in my name I cried as I felt I was removing him from my life I was told your just taking his name off the account even small things like that effect us it’s very hard
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PWG,
My first post on any site and forum of any kind TBH as I am not an out there kind of person so not really my cup of tea. Your sentiments summed it up perfectly well, only 5 months for me and I still cry pretty much every day. I don’t have any friends as my perfect wife was the only person I ever needed and all our friends were hers. Therefore no one calls so I go thru the motions for my two sons, breathe and cook. I would like to wish you well, I am not sure I can write anything more positive as the prison sentence looms brightly and I have her birthday coming soon and wine may get me thru the day.
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Aw … take care of yourself. Early days you know. Im nearly 15 months into this and still have bad days but with time it gets a bit easier you know - just take it day by day at this stage xx
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@Juniper. I relate to your situation. The old life is all gone. And cannot figure out why I need to continue this next phase … this site is the best I have seen so far. No judgement, and lots of people really want to help others by sharing some insights or tools to deal with our prison… may be one day, jail break for all of us.
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Hi jail buddies… sorry that we meet here… It is strange that none of us ever thought about this day and how it might feel like. It has been over two years now, and I have had too much time to cry, search for my beloved in spirit. And I am at this space that believing he is still alive spiritually and with me. And one day, we will see each other.
Punishment … I have felt so many times, how unfair, what have we done wrong … as @pgw69 said ? But I came to realize that there are millions of us out there, crying, kicking and are utterly heart broken. Apparently my little honest reflection (non-violent) got me dispelled of a Christian bereavement group. … and I am a Christian. It seems I could not even express our grief out there. So does any of these make any sense ? No, using our human lens.
Our sufferings of being forcibly separated has been veiled from us since the day we came together with our beloved. I now think that it is designed this way, else no one would want to fall in love … knowing this pain ahead. And this is why others who have never experienced our loss, would never be able to comprehend our world.
One day, this all shall pass… no longer we are, returning to dust again … so there is this little time now for us to grief, remember, connect in our hearts, and perhaps do something good for others when we are able to.
Let us pray for each other everyday, that God shield us with His grace and solace.
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prior post typo - expelled … another of my grief aftermath …
Well im afraid i cant believe in a so called god anymore who puts people through this ! I hate god now … i tell him to get lost … i used to think there was one but i dont anymore … why did you get expelled from a christian group ? Sounds strange does that to me ? Mind you my brothers are all into the church thing and they are the most arrogant people you could wish to meet … sorry but true … i know theyre not all like that but generally I find them very patronising people … its a right awful world out there when you aint got your man anymore …its so harsh … i have found there is a definite lack of empathy even from your own family … who are supposed to be the ones who care the most but don’t always … sorry … just my take on the stupid world we live in 
not a very nice one without the love of your life …x
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@Deb5 have to say I agree with you most of the so called Christians I know are not the nicest of people. I was born in Ireland and raised a Catholic since my husband’s passing I’ve had lots of candles lit and prayers said in churches in Ireland by relatives I think it serves to make the person doing the praying feel like they’re doing something. Beyond that for me it has no meaning at all.
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Yeh exactly. How does that help without actually doing something … actions speak louder than words … x
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@Deb5@Juniper19 I agree with you both. Actions are louder than words. Platitudes are not needed, we are very clear on this, for our sufferings teach us so. I was asked to leave the Griefshare bereavement group because I was too upset (teary) when talking about my husband at the ICU then, and used a word (not profane) the facilitators felt ‘overwhelmed’. PriorI have been to couple more bereavement group before, there were no such nonsense. Everyone was upset and talked about what they were and no judgement. And must say lots of Christians make God looks really a bad idea. I have progressed quite a lot in my own faith through this suffering in this prison now, and this world that I no longer recognize. And yes, many Christians are hypocrites. I just feel that this world we live in is very temporary. and I hope to see my husband again… in other forms. Thank you soooo much, it means a lot for me to read your thoughts…
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The problem with virtually all religions, is the literal interpretation of their prescribed dogma and complete intolerance to anything that doesn’t fit that mould.
Too teary at a bereavement group meeting??
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I know … how awful … and sad too really … x
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