I thought I was doing OK, but I guess not! After 6 months, things seem to be getting worse, so here’s some questions…
At what point do people…
Stop telling you what you should be doing
Stop telling you what you shouldn’t be doing
Stop telling you what’s bad for you
Stop telling you what’s good for you
Stop asking ‘how are you?’ when they really just mean hi!
Stop tiptoeing around you, even though you’ve been friends for 15 years through thick and thin
Stop making stupid comments
Stop talking to you because they’re not sure what to say
Stop thinking that you should be over it by now….
Start talking to you like a ‘normal person’
Start asking how or if they can help
Just listen to what we have to say and let us talk about those we have lost?
After 6 months I’m pretty sick of it all
I’m so angry and I haven’t yet found a polite way to tell people to go to hell!
(not the phrase I would normally use, but this is a public forum…) 
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Tell them straight.
You’re doing the best you can do.
You’re adapting to being a single unit and you know life goes on, but right now, I’m concentrating on learning things for me.
If you haven’t got anything to say, say nothing. You don’t have to make small talk.
Tell them, it’s ok to talk about the one I’ve lost. They were a part of me. They are a part of me. Whatever happens in my life. They will always be a part of me
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@mags66
Thank you, thank you.
This week has been a mess.
I’m being told about all these things that are good for me and yet I can’t manage to brush my hair most days.
I’m going to commit what you’ve said to memory, so I can try to explain what they can not possibly understand…
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You have to go through grief at your pace.
There is no set time for “getting over it”.
You’re going to have good and bad days.
This is your journey.
You are now a single unit. Takes time to get use to that.
Don’t let snyone push you, or rush you, into anything you’re not comfortable with.
You got this. You’re stronger than you think. It just takes a bit of time to realise it.
Hold your head up. And just do your new journey in your own time x
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@S_Diva you have written exactly how I am feeling tonight - and been feeling lots recently to be honest.
I hope you don’t mind but can I add some of my own rant ?
Saying they ‘understand’ when they have no idea
Asking how all the kids are but never asking how I am
Avoid you even though you’ve been friends for 20 years
Keep posting photos in the family group chat of their holidays, meals out, special family days etc and expect you to like them and join in the ‘fun’
Offer to “ be there when you are ready” - Ready for what ??
Phone when they know you are busy - or phone and tell you all their struggles
Make promises they can’t keep
Tell you it never gets better ( that’s one from my mum )
I am so grateful that you posted this. And I am so angry too.
Tonight I was feeling like I was the only one who is so fed up with all these supposed family members and friends that there must be something wrong with me and something wrong with what I’m doing / feeling/ thinking.
I’m so glad I’m not alone with this. What I really want to do is emigrate to somewhere no one knows me so I don’t have to have people look at me with such pity and sorrow.
I’m only 3 months in so hope I don’t have to put up with this for ever.
Glad to just get that out there.
Sending you hugs and solidarity xx
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I should also say I have some amazing friends who are walking through this with me, not judging, just listening and letting me rant when I want, cry when I want, and remembering my dear husband with me. They truly are angels. Xxx
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