This is so Hard

How can things be so different in a year, last year I was with my darling Mark, making plans, quarreling and just taking our wonderful life together so for granted. This year I am typing this in tears, just not wanting to go through the next few days or even the years ahead without him.
WHY , he was so full of life, so happy, so loved , 56 years old and he is gone. WHY ?
I have no family of my own, except my mum who has alzheimers and is in the final stages. I have amazing friends and of course Mark’s family but I want HIM.
I have volunteered for the next two days to Crisis at Xmas and then working , this has to be up there with the most pain and I just cant imagine being anywhere without him.
Sorry guys I really needed to vent.
My heart goes out to each and every one of you who is feeling this way and I want to give you a big hug.
Thank god for this forum

HI Michelle im very sorry for you loss .Take it 1 day at a time go see your gp re medication and help (im on both) the samaritans are there247 (there vnot just for suicidal people ive asked )Dont be a stranger on here .Me and others are more than happy to recieve pms from people on here .I deffo understand tyhe having no family bit.Dont be sorry you can always offload on here.This special club has people that will share your pain and help Massive friendship hug Colin (57)

Hello Michelle
I agree about thinking how can things be so different from last year to this. I lost my Husband in October. Anticipated but yet sudden. There’s not a sticking plaster big enough nor tablet strong enough to ease the torment and pain. It’s the hopelessness and despair as well and I often wonder where I will be led when my ability to manage emotionally runs out. It’s such an added strain as your Mum is so unwell. My elderly Mum is unwell as well so I understand somewhat but not totally as it’s not the same circumstances. As Colin says we can message between ourselves when we could do with a private chat, I know I have in the past. I so wish you a peaceful time with your Mum. I truly empathise with you as I cannot imagine life without my Husband either. Emotional response tells me he isn’t here but my subconscious does not accept it. Warmest regards Tina.

Hello michelle,yes I too was taking my life for granted with my lovely husband when he was taken from me suddenly.we were just going about our daily business and talking about our plans for the future he was 51 and I too keep thinking why? It seems
So unfair.I think you volunteering for crisis at Christmas was such a lovely thing to do and your husband would be so proud of you.I agree with you that what we are going through has to be up there with the most pain I feel it every second of every thoughts are with you and everyone else on here.someone mentioned it is are own special club and I agree.keep strong and take care Debbie.x

Hello all my partner died 3 months ago aged 50 unexpected my pain just won’t go away have all my children round me they try so hard but I feel like my heart been ripped out not sure I can cope with so much pain does it ever get easier x

Hello Traceylee64.
I’m sorry about your distress. I too lost my Husband around the same time. Anticipated but yet suddenly. It’s said the pain intensifies at 3/4 months and that has been the case with myself. Sheer mental/psychological/emotional trauma day in and day out. The desolation and hopelessness is disabling. My ability to cope is less than the reserves I have to manage the pain right now. You are so right when you say you feel as if your heart has been torn out. I’m sure there will be some members here that have a longer timespan on their grieving and will have a more positive outlook. I can only say I truly empathise with you, little comfort I know. Are your children teenagers, do you have adult support? You will no doubt receive lots of supportive replies on here. Take care.