Hi,
I am new to online grief sites. My wife of 34 years died in March suddenly and unexpectedly and it has been so hard for me. We were together for 35 years and I hate being alone now. We had decided to care for her Mother who has dementia 5 years ago and keep her out of a facility and now I am alone in that. The last 18 months have been very hard on us as it was for many others but last year we lost 3 of our pets, This January I lost a friend of 36 years who I was a caregiver for, in March my wife died and 2 weeks ago I had to euthanize our last dog. I am only able to keep going to care for MIL without that I don’t know if I can get out of bed. I go to bed crying and wake up crying and cry throughout the day. I sleep maybe 5 hours before I wake up and overthink everything and dread the upcoming day. I know that it is only a matter of time before MIL dies and maybe me too. I am surprised that I haven’t died of a broken heart as she was my whole world, my everything. We were together for over half of our lives and thought after caring for everyone else it would be our time. Sorry this is so long and this isn’t all of it.
John9
My heart aches for you. I too cared for my mother for years and we were looking forward to “our time” we did have a couple of happy years of retirement which I am so grateful for but happy memories just make you more sad dont they? All i can say is take one day at a time . There are so many of us feeling the same and feeling your pain. It helps a bit to know we arent alone unfortunately in this utter despair. Do take care.
Hi,
Thank you I had been caring for my friend for 12 years and last year I was with him more than before, now I don’t know how I feel because that was time away from my wife that I can’t get back. I just miss her so much and it is the worst thing I have ever experienced and I have had some bad things happen. We were in such a good place just waiting for our alone time. I have read some posts and I understand what “we” are going through is really hard and unless or until you have experienced this you don’t get it. My grief is hard for me because I feel our life was so special as I am sure we all did, she was my first and only love and we were together for too short of a time she was only 53.
We were having to spend a lot of time looking after my mother and I now look back and think about that time that I could have spent with him.
This is part of my issue as well after my friend died I had/have to handle his estate and spent too much time away from my wife. I could have not done anything about his estate and been with her but I didn’t know and it kills me on top of everything else.
Life is just so unfair and unpredictable. We all assume there is more time - until we find there isn’t. All we have is the present moment - and that’s pretty rubbish at the moment. Sending hugs
Hugs to you as well. I agree about how time is fleeting. I would give anything to have more but alas I can’t. Hoping to be with her soon.
I think if this is some sort of punishment (because that’s what it feels like) I’ll be here for a long time.
Sadly, I have felt this way as well. But I don’t think I will be here too long I have already told everyone I’m “dying” from a broken heart and can’t wait for it to happen. I am not suicidal but don’t care about anything anymore and just need this to end.
I have to keep on for my kids. That is my purpose now.
I am trying for MIL to honor my wife, but my son doesn’t “need” me and I’m okay with that. My wife and I knew a long time ago he wouldn’t really be around for us if we needed help. He has his life, he moved out when we started caring for MIL 5 years ago to keep her out of facility and he is too emotional to handle any of this with his grandma and now me. I never thought it would happen so soon and under these circumstances but I can’t force him to be what he isn’t.
It does seem particularly cruel when we were just going to be able to enjoy time as a couple as our children made their way on the world. We loved travelling to see new places and just being together. All of that has been wiped out now.
We never “planned” anything because I knew life was too fickle and “stuff” happens but as she would say I’m just talking. She would say what she would like to do when it was our time alone. Now I am alone alone and I hate it.
I understand your feelings. My husband of 37 years traumatically died in November at the beach which was my place to go for peace. Now it is a place of nightmares. I also feel that I just want to join him but I wouldn’t want to put the children through any more pain though I do feel a nuisance. Try to keep myself very busy so that I don’t have time to think.
Just wanting to update that my MIL died at the end of August and I am not really sure what my “purpose” in this life is anymore. I dread waking up each morning without my loving wife. The pain is worse each day and it is too much.
My sympathies are with you. Like you my husband of 41 years unexpectedly. Also mother, my friend, my uncle and another friend. I can’t come to terms with this. I cry even just talking about my husband.
You sound a strong person , youve been through a lot and your still functioning so good for you. Just keep doing what your doing.
Withing you all the very best.
Babs55,
I thank you for the sympathies and I am sorry for all of your losses too. I just don’t understand why there are some who seem to suffer so much. I know that death comes for us all but why so much in such a short time. I have had 4 “human” deaths in 2021 and 4 “animal” deaths in 2020 and 2021. I have lost almost everyone I cared about in this year and I don’t know why I am not dead myself because even though I might seem strong I feel so tired and worn down and such a failure and so worthless and without purpose anymore.