I say almost because I have grown up children so couldn’t put them through this all again. Life has lost all meaning I hate myself because I am a cripple - Multiple Sclerosis has been steadily robbing me of my dignity and my mobility we hid it from the family trying to spare them the worry, but now if they do find out they’ll blame for for the amount of work my poor husband had to do behind the scenes. I truly wish I could just leave this planet there’s no point me being here I’m a useless human being. My husband made me a better person, without him I’m nothing. The funeral was last week and as others have pointed out the real despair is really kicking in now. I know you are the only people who trulu understand how it feels.
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@Juniper19 I know what you mean - the reality does start to hit after the funeral and feeling of purposelessness and “what’s the point” kicks in
I’m sure your family won’t blame you because of MS - I would hope not
Try stay strong through this part - the post funeral weeks are very difficult
You will need support, particularly with your MS
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The feelings of despair you have right now are completely normal for how early you are in this agonising journey. Please know that it will get easier with time. You are facing what looks like such an empty and pointless future right now, but I promise you you’ll find joy in little things and memories further down the line and you’ll find new meaning in this world we never asked to be in. Try to remind yourself each and every hour of each day how your loved one would want you to be living, how they’d hate to see you so lost and sad…it will help eventually. Never stop talking to him, tell him all your worries, he’s listening and looking out for you all the time. I can’t imagine what it’s like to have an illness like MS ontop of your grief and loss 
have you got friends or someone like a counsellor that can support you to speak to your children about this? I hope you’ll be surprise by their reactions and I certainly hope they’ll step in to support you. Take care of yourself and make sure you come on here for help when you need it too xx
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@Peppermint thank you so much for your reply I really appreciate it. Yes my friends are very supportive and I spoke to my MS nurse on Friday she said they can help with telling my grown up children about my illness but I just don’t want to burden them so soon after losing their dad. She has suggested counselling which I’m not entirely sure about I have been under the clinical psychologist previously because of my reluctance to tell my family and in all honesty it didn’t help at all. Coming on here is in many ways more useful. Thanks again x