I don’t truly have anyone to talk to about my grief. Some people have let me down, others simply don’t understand. They’re trying to show compassion but I can tell their mind’s elsewhere.
Now this is pretty much my only place of comfort. So thank you all for being here.
I feel so alone and scared in this world without my mum. I’m almost 30 but I feel as if I’m 6. She was that one person left that loved me unconditionally. I would do absolutely anything to bring her back or even swap places. I thought I’d have her for many, many years to come yet she was taken from me so abruptly.
I don’t know anyone personally who hasn’t got either parent at my age and I’m so jealous of people with families. I’m in so much pain, I still can’t believe she’s gone (happened out of the blue 4 months ago). Even watching a TV show is too much of an effort. I can’t be there for anyone, I can’t be there for myself. I feel so lost and empty. I can’t think about anything else but my mum…
Hello, I am so sorry for your loss. Losing a parent at any age is devastating, but when you lose them at a younger age, like you have, you feel cheated, and that is very difficult. Totally understand what you mean about how you would swap places with your mum if you could, I would do the same with dad.
Do you have any family that you can talk to? It would be nice if there was someone who knew your mum who you could talk to. You’ll always have us here, if not. Anytime you want to talk about her, please do, we’ll be more than happy to read about your mum.
Hi Sanjab
I’m on this site because I lost my mum suddenly to a brain hemorrhage last year. She was 74 and is apparently good health and I was 48. Like you, I feel like a small child without her. My dad dies of a sudden heart attack when I was 27 and he was just 53 so I’ve been where you are. Its very hard.
Do you have any answers as to why your mum died? My mum and dads post mortem revealed some details which helped me to understand.
Things will get better I promise. I’m 1 year and 2 months down the line and I’m definitely functioning better. I’m still devastated, think of mum every second and cry every few days. But the raw pain does lessen.
Keep talking on here. It’s a very helpful forum with lots of understanding people who are going through what you are.
Cheryl x
Hi Sanjab,
I am so sorry for your loss. I know how hard it is and nothing that I say will make you feel better. I lost my dad at age 1 and my mom at age 19. I lost my best friend a few years at age 49. Losing my mom and my best friend were the most difficult times that I have ever experienced. I felt like you. When I tried to talk to some people, it seemed like they were not interested. I have learned that this is because death makes most people very uncomfortable and they don’t know what to say, especially if they can’t relate (thanks goodness, I wouldn’t want anyone to have to relate). I remember running into a friend after my best friend passed away, and I knew that this friend knew that my friend died but she didn’t say ANYTHING. I was so upset after seeing her because she didn’t acknowledge my loss. Now I realize it was because she didn’t know what to say. She didn’t want to make me feel bad. Truth be told, there is no way she could make me feel worse. I was so depressed when my friend died. I was still going to work, but just in body not in mind. When I got home, I would just lay on the couch and not move. I ordered pizza 3 times a week for months because I coudn’t go to the grocery store. I lived on pizza for months! I tried to talk to friends and family but they couldn’t relate and honestly they only made me feel worse because they couldn’t tell me anything to make me feel better. Not even a little bit. I finally decided that I had to MAKE myself get off the couch. I had to MAKE myself take a walk around the block. I had to MAKE myself go for a hike. I put my headphones on and walked, even if it was just for 10 minutes. Even if I cried the entire time, I made myself do it. Even if I only walked 10 feet, crying, and went back home. I still tried and kept trying until I could walk or hike without crying the whole time. It took about a year but it got better. It’s been 3 years and I still grieve, just not as often. It may hit me when I am in line in the grocery store, or driving in my car, or even talking to a stranger. It may hit me when a particular memory pops in my mind. I have learned that it’s ok to grieve and cry and it’s just the new me. I feel it and keep moving. Grief to me just means that I loved so hard. Your grief for your mom means that you LOVED and do LOVE SO HARD.
You’ll get there. Don’t be hard on yourself. Don’t let anyone tell you to get over it and move on. You will in your own time.
@sanjab I’m sorry for your loss but please know you are not alone. So many of us here on this site is under the age of 30 and have lost a parent, or maybe both. I’m 27, but was 26 when I lost my Dad who also was the only person in the world who loved me unconditionally.
When you say you’d trade places, I totally get it. My Dad suffered with Emphysema for nearly 10 years before suffering a massive heart attack at home where I found him. I’d have traded his suffering for mine in a heartbeat. At the time, I just wanted to join him. I just wanted us to still be together, putting ‘the world to rights’. What do you think your mum would say about switching places? Parents are never supposed to outlive their children. My Dad knew his time was short but I know deep down he’d never trade places with me, although they can’t be here, they want you to have the best life possible. I know that seems pointless and hopeless right now but given time it could happen… or so I’m told. If you ever want to reminisce about your Mum, you are always welcome to do it here. I have no one to grieve with either so I made a thread of letters and photos that I ‘write’ to Dad whenever I feel like it. Would you ever try that?
Words mean nothing just now, go with how you are feeling and don’t let anyone minimise your grief.
Grief is love with nowhere to go. Your Mum loved you, don’t ever forget that.
Be kind to yourself. And take it day by day.
X
Hi,
I am so sorry that you have to go through this too. I myself am new to this I lost my Dad suddenly in March (I was 25 at the time) and my mum’s not well. I know what you mean when you look at other people who have parents I feel the same too but then I remind myself that it’s not about how much time you had with your loved one it’s about how you spent it. It sounds like you and your mum were really close and the fact we feel broken is because we loved them so much and had a good relationship with them. Some people will have their parent for a lot longer than we had but may not be as close as we were to ours.
Sometimes when the grief overtakes me and I can’t do anything I think back to my Dad who lost his parents and I think to myself if he could do it (with far less support) then I can too, you can too just take it one day at a time . It is terribly difficult but I have hope and faith that one day I’ll be ok. It may not be today, tomorrow or even next year but it’ll be one say.
I don’t know if this will help but when I’m really sad and upset i write down my memories of Dad. To be honest I am scared that I’ll forget things about him so I write these things down and I find it helps.
As terrible as this sounds, I’ve just joined this site and I find it comforting to read what you have all written. I lost my mum in Feb after a long battle with cancer. She was only 63. I don’t feel like anyone understands how I feel. My mum wanted to keep living so much that it haunts me that she isn’t here anymore.
I’ve got a 3 year old son who has lost an amazing Gran.
It seems like time just keeps moving on.
I wouldn’t say that’s terrible. I guess as I don’t know anyone (outside my own family) who has lost a parent I found this community quite helpful. I now know that it’s ok to feel what I am feeling and that eventually things won’t feel as hard as they do now. When I think of Dad I focus on the things I am grateful for like our weekly grocery shop, helping him at his allotment and sometimes just being able to have a conversation with him. Occasionally I do think of all the things he won’t see me do like get married or have children. Your mum got to spend 3 amazing years with her grandson, she held him and loved him and I am sure he loved her too. I know it’s difficult but hang in there, I’m just taking it one day at a time.
Hi sanjab,
I’m so sorry to hear about your mam. I’m on here as I lost my mam last year. She was only 66. I was 33. I know exactly what your going though. It’s heart breaking. You feel like your the only one. Coming on here as made me realise I’m not the only one. We are all here for each other and know that you can talk at anytime.