Those left behind and the truth

My partner has now been dead approximately 15 weeks and i feel just as bad as i did in week one. I am an intelligent person but nothing prepares one for the pain/fear of loss more especially if it happens suddenly without warning. I thought i had years and years ahead. Instead i am alone and struggling hard to understand why me? From being happy i am now miserable but more than that society seems to be intentionally blind to death and the effects it has on those left behind with no support system. I have searched in vain for a weekly bereavement meeting in my area of scotland and have found nothing! If i survive it will be a miracle that is how bad it is.

Hi prue so sorry to hear how sad u r feeling.
Its true wat u say people around u seem to move on and carry on with their lives and think u can do the same but its not that easy. My whole life has been turned upside down recently with losing so many close members of my family so I totally understand how u feel

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I’m so so sorry to hear about your loss it’s heartbreaking in my prayers and thoughts take care of yourself as much as possible Adele x

Pru, same as you can’t find any support from grief counselling. Tried but long waiting lists, find it disgusting. We are forgotten at a time when we need help. Have you a hospice near you as they can arrange counselling. Ours has other activities during the week also. Not for me but useful for others. My husband died at home and I nursed him single handed which was his wish however we did have visits to make sure we had everything we needed and a support system. When he died, apart from one visit from the GP I saw no one. Forgotten overnight. Dig deep and keep your loved one with you, talk to him, ask him for strength when you feel you have non. As hard as it is you will survive this terrible time.

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Yes Prue, we will survive it all, eventually. Patience is so difficult at this time. I liken this to a journey we are all on. When, in medieval times pilgrims walked from Winchester to Canterbury along the Pilgrims Way, they met many obstacles. Robbers came down from the North Downs to attack and rob them. The weather was sometimes awful. They would often be denied shelter at an inn or a safe place, but they went on because they knew, at the end of the journey, they would find peace in Canterbury Cathedral. I live near the Pilgrims Way, which is still used by people. Before I met her my wife cycled all the way along there. I like to feel I am on this journey and bereavement and grief are the robbers attacking, trying to make me turn back, but they will not win, but finding a place of peace is very difficult. But I hope, at journey’s end, to find the peace and comfort we all need and will get.

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I am so sorry to hear of your recent loss! You are still in the early stages of grieving so please don’t expect too much too soon!
My advice is to contact your GP and explain how you are feeling! They should be able to offer counselling eventually! Other options are Cruise, Samaritans, Marie Curie, Macmillan Cancer Support! All will be able to offer support/advice!
Use friends and family to let them know you are struggling! Don’t be afraid to ask for help it’s a sign of strength!
Don’t give up!

hi Prue,
from reading your post,we are both going through what can best be described as a nightmare,and like you im as emotional now as when Jayne passed away,nothing anyone says makes any difference,and talking to a counselor at least gets some things you need to say out in the open.likes been said by others ,talk to a doctor they may be able give you contact numbers of bereavement counselors in your area.or if youve family near or close friends to at least have a chat with,who will listen and let you talk about your partner,as ive got 1 friend in particular who was jaynes best friend ,she talks to me several times a week all i do is talk about Jayne and how im missing her and i love her and want to be with her.its helps a little,as i enjoy telling people how much Jayne means to me and how special she was and how much we loved each other.sorry for going on i just hope you get the chance talk to a counselor and get the chance to get things off your chest which may well help in the long run regards ian

15 weeks is no time at all. Go easy on yourself.There is no fixed time frame on the pain you feel after losing someone you love. …months. years! At some point you can breath again…maybe even taste food…venture outside without the fear of of being alone . But it can take a long time and thats normal ! You cant experience great love without great loss .You learn to walk around the hole in your life …its very hard .but in time you will remember your partner with a smile .not just tears.You will never stop missing them… why would you want to?.They are part of you always. I had a recent bereavement …8 months ago and it is still too painful to accept …I will never stop loving him .However I know there are so many people feeling this pain.It is what makes us human.Take comfort wherever you can find it . Friends,family religion…strangers on groups like this…and I promise it does get a little bit easier …you will have good days again and dark days…but tiny steps is the way forward. You are not alone xx