It’s been a while since I have been on this site, maybe trying to avoid issues - don’t know.
Have been wondering how to cope with feelings of guilt. It was January when I lost him - now in August I find myself tormented by recurring guilt. Try to reason thoughts away but no - have resorted to manic decorating to subdue thinking process but, then, when I am lying in bed the thoughts churn on. These bad thoughts are inhibiting attempts to dredge up good memories.
Am no doubt not the only one to struggle in this way. I hope others may have found a way manage this? Horrible to know others are in the same boat - but good to know we can talk xx.
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I’ve had so many feelings of guilt… I should have done more, seen what was happening, did I contribute somehow to the cancer returning, did I do something to set the infection off, why him not me?
I go over and over these thoughts, even though I met with the MDT at the hospital for a PALS meeting, who assured me I had done nothing that contributed to N’s death, there’s still the guilt, sotting there, waiting for my most vulnerable moments…
Apparently, feelings of guilt are part of the grieving process. How do we deal with them? Not a clue, other than realising, in the clearer times, that we did our absolute best.
Sorry I can’t give a definitive answer, just want you to know you’re not alone…
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Thank you Scubadolly xx
Hi, I have recently lost my husband. I am torturing myself because we had a disagreement like any normal couple, (he used to go quiet at times like this) and literally for the first time ever I sent a text which I regretted straight away and deleted from my phone. My hubby never saves text, he had a basic phone never really used it. After he passed away I saw that he had not deleted that text. Upset I deleted it but it haunts me that I did not read or remember the full text and how I may have upset him. You cannot retrieve deleted text messages. No doubt we would have put this right, we had been together over 50 years but he had an accident and passed away before we could. I am so sad that he could have been re-reading a stupid text and that I even sent it in the first place.
You cannot beat yourself up over feeling guilty,no loving couples go through the whole of their marriage without disagreements,l bet your husband read that text laughed and muttered silly bugger that will cost her another glass of wine.
Sending strength.
Ron.
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@Yoursweetpea I can understand that feeling… N used to go quiet for days, thinking things through, I’d prefer a good argument and get it over with!
Ron is right though…we could beat ourselves up over stuff like this forever but this is the time we need to be kinder to ourselves, I’m sure there were many other messages you sent that told him you love him.
Maybe you could write him a letter, tell him what’s going on in your mind about that text? xx
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@Yoursweetpea We are all human and make mistakes, and I’m sure if he had lost you he would find some niggle to feel guilty about.
One of the last things I said to mine was “You look like shit” - I didn’t know he was about to have a cardiac arrest 10 minutes later! We also didn’t kiss each other goodbye that day, which was unusual. But as someone pointed out, there were hundreds of other times that I did kiss him.
They knew that they were loved, don’t doubt it.
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Aww thank you. I’ve actually sent another text to his phone 
You don’t know how much your message has meant to me.
I joined this group a couple of weeks ago and then left and today I thought no I need to try and clear my head. So glad I did. Hope you are finding help from the replies. My hubby fell down stairs, went into critical care and passed away two weeks later. No underlying cause just an accident that many of us have had and dusted ourselves down from. Sorry I can’t be of any help to you other than to say it seems we all are troubled with feelings of guilt 
Take Care xx
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Thank you for answering from I am presuming is a male’s perspective. It actually made me smile and helped enormously. Looking at his photos I feel he is saying “Sorry I didn’t delete it” and with a cheeky grin maybe “serves you right for sending it” 
Think I only sent it because the phone was in my hand and he walked off in a sulk, it seems like a lot of men do that:person_shrugging: xx I feel a sense of relief from the replies I have had 
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“Person shrugging” wording should have been an emoji lol following on from your reply I now see I can see things from a different perspective. Thank you
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Aww so sorry, I like how you are responding to your feelings. I need to take heed from you too.
Although he did lose consciousness when he fell down the stairs at the beginning of the two weeks in Critical care he was gripping our hands and moving his arms and we did talk a lot to him. The nursing staff encouraging us to do this as they couldn’t understand why he was taking so long to wake up. So I do have that to cling to even though he couldn’t talk back.
I only saw he had not deleted the text after he had passed away but I am sure that wasn’t on his mind, it wasn’t on mine. I thought we both would have deleted it.
Take care and thank you so much for your reply xx
I am glad I could put a small smile on your face,yes def a male perspective,it’s what I would have said.
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