Time has slowed

Losing a partner
1

Lost my beloved partner of 4 years 7 weeks ago. I am going through the motions, keeping myself busy and seeing friends and family but every day is a slog and I’m in tears when alone. Life has lost its colour and days are passing so slowly. I wish I could die but have two university age daughters who depend on me. People say things should get better with time, but right now it feels like I’ll never reach that
point.

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Hello Nives

I’m so sorry to hear about your partner. I can hear how hard it is for you right now. I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community - I’d like to thank you for bravely starting this thread and sharing how you are feeling. Most community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one and so will understand some of what you are going through.

I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that might be helpful.

We know that a lot of people experience suicidal thoughts when they are grieving. We have a video about it here which you might find helpful:

https://griefguide.sueryder.org/support/suicide

If thoughts of dying start to become too much, I would really encourage you to reach out and speak to someone about how you are feeling.

  • If these thoughts of suicide become overwhelming, please call 999 or contact your GP for an emergency appointment immediately.
  • Samaritans are available 24/7 to talk about anything that you are worried about in confidence. You can call them on 116 123.
  • Shout are contactable by text, 24/7. You can text REMEDY to 85258 and talk to them about anything.
  • You can also find your local NHS urgent mental health helpline .

I really hope you find the community helpful and a good source of support and I also hope you feel you can access more support should you need it.

Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.

Take care, Rhi

3

I’m sorry for the loss of your partner, I understand how gut wretching it’s & you’ll still be in shock, it truly is a pain.i.neber knew existed, all that being said as time moves on you will adjust & the pain won’t be so intense, you’ll reach a stage where the sadness will still.be there but you’ll be able to function & life will.havr colour again, you’ll be able to think about your partner & smile & be grateful that you knew him & that he left this world knowing he was loved.

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I’m so sorry for your loss. I lost my wife 14 weeks ago after 45 years together. I’m finding it comes in waves where I have slightly better days then a really bad one. I’m struggling with talking to people. I can go a couple of days and not speak to anyone and t
hat isn’t really good. This site has been a wonderful help. you aren’t alone. please reach out.

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@Nives
4y and 7m is a long time and I would have hoped that life would have got easier for you.
Having two daughters that rely on you is great but I bet they are not there all the time and being alone is the hard bit.

I have two adult children at home and that is helpful but still doesn’t help the loneliness.

Do you do anything where you can meet people, make some new friends in a similar situation.

There is a zoom meeting that has been set up that is separate to sue Ryder we all met on here and there are three meetings a week for anyone who feels they would benefit from it. It’s not compulsory to come to all but it might be a way of meeting people.

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7 weeks isn’t long it’s still early days, I don’t know if things ever get better 11 weeks here but we hopefully learn to live with it

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Hi Nive, so sorry for your loss andI that it’s found you here on this site. You’re among good company, people who understand. 7 weeks is a very hard place to be, it’s been 9 months for me. It doesn’t get better over time, but it does get easier. The early weeks are the very hardest, I know what you mean when you say you wish you could die, I felt the same but as things moved forward I understood it was more just not wanting to exist here, in this place, without my wife. Some days I still don’t want to be here, but these are getting further apart and definitely not as overwhelming. Grounds zero is a hard, hard place to be but you can move out of it, you will move out of it, it’s just a very slow, gradual, process. You need time to process and sometimes you are going to have to come first even if it’s against your better instincts. Believe me purpose, will return, colors will come through again, some of them will be new and you’ll have to invent names for them but they will return

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