For me, hope and positivity is always very welcome. I don’t want to remain this desolate and it gives me hope every time I read a positive post. Xx
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I agree with you Unity Man. I don’t believe that time heals. I think we learn how to cope a little bit better with the everyday things in life. I am not coping with the loss of my husband, I miss him more every day. We were together for over 38 years and he passed 9 months ago and I am definitely not healing. I think in time we may acquire better coping mechanisms but it does not heal the loss we are trying to come to terms with and it never will. Like you I don’t live anymore, I just exist and I am broken not healing. 
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Hi Unityman
I totally agree with what you say it has become an existence!
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Thank you LynT. Personally I have to believe there are things that can get more bearable with time. And that there are little nuggets of good in life that can be found if you look hard enough. That’s not to say the huge shock to the system you experience when you lose a long term partner that you loved doesn’t hurt. It hurts like hell. And that pain and loss will always be part of you. You will never be quite the same again. But there are moments when the hurt is not so raw and when some sense of purpose can be clawed back. I give thanks for the tiny kindnesses received from unexpected sources, from not close but understanding friends, from the postman, today from our long-standing heating engineer who asked after my husband then took the time to listen to me and to sympathise when I wept.
Take care all.
Xx
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Time doesn’t heal. It merely helps you deal with things. The wound may heal, but the scar remains, and always will. That scar is a constant reminder of what you have lost. You can move on with life, you have to. But you never truly heal.
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When I go to bed at night I still try to do what I have always done. I think of three good things that happened that day. Sometimes it is things like I drove to the shop on my own, which is something I hadn’t done for 15 years, because he did the driving. It might be that a friend came for lunch, and stayed for tea as well. A distant relative that I hadn’t seen for years came and mended my filing cabinet so I could access documents I needed. Or just that I got through a few hours without crying.
Anything to feel grateful for. It makes me feel calmer than the dark thoughts I would have otherwise. I am just so weary of feeling that life isn’t worth the effort. I feel better if I look for the little triumphs and stick my fingers up to the grim reaper.
Xx
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Hello well you are so right i totally agree 
I lost my amazing husband suddenly & tragically 22 months ago he was & is the love of my life we were together age 16 & married at 20 a total of 61 yrs
Same as you for me time will never heal this heartache
What is helping me my DR Drew 5 circles he called the Tonkin 5 circles of grief he coloured each one in black making the 1st circle all covered as that is the grief each one he made less black & the white area around was how we manage to find ourselves doing things each day till the last circle was mostly white but in the centre the shade of black is still our grief which will always be there & overwhelms every now & again try & look Tonkin up the read might help you it has me
But a quote I also read was the deeper the love the longer the bereavement so it sounds like we have a long journey which i believe mine will be forever
We have a beautiful daughter age 52 & an amazing son 49 who are extremely close to me as always have been
I hope I may of brought you some comfort sharing how I feel too
Also look for a song called Without you by Tanya Tucker I found the link last year on Sue Ryder it’s a very sad song but so true
I feel you will listen to it a few times 
Ann 111
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Hi Unity man
I forgot to put your name on my post I just wrote it just now it
was a reply for you I hope you manage to read it
Ann11
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That is explained beautifully for me , I can learn to live with I won’t heal My husband died because of his heart , and mine has a hole in it now , it may get smaller over time but I will always have a hole there
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I know how you feel, I’m holding down a job, looking after myself and my dog, eating, even meeting up with friends now and again but I still have a massive void inside which hurts like hell.
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Hello Jane 15
I am pleased my post managed to give you a little bit of comfort
It is a horrible experience we are going through & only people who are in the same situation can know properly how we feel
My Bill had his Aorta valve replaced at age 67 & no health problems at all we were at our Halloween social night & we were dancing & 1/2 hr he was gone in seconds such a tragic time he was 77
However apparently the aorta can become loose which is extremely rare but my Bill was one of the ones it happened to
Take care Jane & keep looking for nice support on here it seems to somehow help I go off for a while & then come back on
Ann111
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Hi Unityman
I saw your post this morning & I put one on for you but forgot to reply to your name
Please scroll down to find it from Ann111
I hope it may give you a little comfort as I totally agree with you it is the most saddest feeling we could never imagine we would have to endure time will never heal this grief it is always going to be there we live with it because we have no choice but I believe our special love & memories will keep us who we are forever
Take care
Ann111[quote=“UnityMan, post:1, topic:90431, full:true”]
Time heals…that’s what everyone who hasn’t been here says. Well…it does. I have learned how to negotiate life. I can cook (always did anyway)…I can now work the washing machine…I keep the house as clean as I can…her garden still survives, but that’s more by chance than my efforts. But what time doesn’t do …is make my longing and heart ache better…in fact, time makes it worse. So…if anybody ever says that ’ time heals’ …well, I leave your response to you…I used to love life and live…I now I exist…time drags…it doesn’t heal…
[/quote]
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I remember Nick having a scan on that ? It was fine just the rest of his heart was knackard! I just draw comfort in it was quick and he knew nothing he passed out before the heart attack , then went in icu for two days that was the worse for me ! But I know he didn’t know anything x
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I have read your responses Ann111…thank you for taking the time…
Yep totally agree, its will always be broken. Could not of put it any better myself, lost my hubby end of march, we lost our only son 2 years ago, so when you say its shit yes it is and times not helping ar all.
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Ahh thank you & hope you manage to have an ok sort of day the best you possibly can take care
Ann111
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