Time is not a heeler

My husband died last year aged 39 following a road accident at work. We have 2 beautiful children aged 2 & 6 at the time of the accident. He was an amazing father & we’d been together 16 years. As the 12 month anniversary approaches I am starting to feel even more lonely than ever. I’m 37, & work & with 2 young children I haven’t really had the time to grieve properly.

So sorry to hear of the tragic circumstances of your loss. I lost my husband suddenly in May last year and these past 14 months have been the worst of my life.

People say time is healer, I am guilty of saying this too in the past. Sinceodinv my husband, I no longer feel that way. In time we learn toive with our loss, we never ‘get over’ it, how can we. There is no time li.it on grief nor is there a quick fix. It takes as long as it takes for each individual.

This forum has been a godsend for me and a lifeline. Everyone on here is supportive and understanding, we have all gone through and going through what you are now, so we all understand each others anguish.

The online counselling sessions are a tremendous help too, these may be beneficial to you and there’s no obligation either.

If you need anyone to talk to, just send me a private message and I’ll try yo help as much as I’m able to ☆
Sending blessings

Thank you. I’m a very practical person so don’t like to burden friends & family as everyone is busy with their own lives, & whilst they say - anything anytime… I’m not convinced even my closest friends & family mean it & it upsets them. I just find I have to push my feelings aside & get on with it. This isn’t always a bad thing but as the year has passed everyone assumes you are fine & just sort of leaves you to it. I find the loneliness is awful at times. I have a lot less patience’s with the kids because I’m doing everything with no one to sound off to when they are good, bad, funny or sad.

Many years ago, when I was going through a so called ‘breakdown’ I went to a counsellor who was a retired Anglican priest. He hardly ever talked religion, but gave me an insight into the teachings in the Gospels. You don’t have to be religious to recognise words of wisdom.
‘Getting over it’ means you revert to what you were before the event that caused pain, bereavement or otherwise. (It’s not only people in grief that suffer emotional pain, believe me). By ‘going through it’ you experience the pain and feel the pain of others. You may develop empathy as so many do on this site, and emerge a better more understanding person.
I am aware that in the middle of grief this may seem pie in the sky nonsense. But to me it’s the flip side of grief. The only redeeming feature about it, but one of great importance if we understand. Blessings.

He asked me a question. ‘Do you want to get over this or go through it’. Now I found that rather odd, and of course I said ‘get over it’. WRONG!!

This reminds me of what my councillor said to me.
She likened grief to a large door, too low to get under it, too wide to go round it, too big to get over it, the only way forward is to go through it.
Take care


Yes William, it’s the only way. But it all comes down to motivation, well, in my opinion. The initial shock is great. We can hardly see the door let alone go through it. But eventually the opportunity may arise where we see that through the door is the only way through this agony, and taking the first step is painful, but the door will never closes. It stays open for always so there is no set time to walk through.
I think we will all know when we are ready.

I am so sorry to hear of your loss Kate. I have also been touched by tragic circumstances as my husband died in his way to work. Nothing prepares you for the emotional journey that we are forced into. However, there is light at then of the tunnel and if you haven’t already done so, please speak to a counsellor. I have managed to find peace this way and my moving on journey is positive. You can get through this and will become strong. My 12 month anniversary is coming up and on the day of the accident I decided that I had to start my life again. Please stay positive and I promise it will get easier. Surround yourself with positive people who will support you x