Time is not healing

I lost my Husband, my best friend, my soul mate in July this year. He died very suddenly of a blood clot after having an operation on his ankle, one minute he was fine sat in the chair watching telly, the next minute he was dead on the floor with me performing cpr. The paramedics worked hard on him but could not bring him back, it was a terrible shock, so unexpected & no time to say good bye he was 61. We had been married for 38 years but been together since I was 13 & he was 15, we did everything together I have no idea what life is like without him.
As time is going on my grief is getting worse not better, I can’t see any future for me, I feel I have lost everything my Husband, my future, my financial security. I am so angry that he worked so hard all his life & never even got to retirement age. The last year of his life he was forced to stop work while he waited for the operation & we received benefits, they stopped paying them 2 weeks ago which even though I knew was going to happen affected me very badly. I cried for 5 days solid, it felt like my last lifeline had been cut & I was completely set adrift on my own to fend for myself, in the end a neighbour made me ring the doctor & he has started me on medication for anxiety & depression.
I know I will have to find a job as our small amount of savings won’t last forever but I am so scared, my Husband was the bread winner in our house & I looked after him & our home. How are you supposed to be able to pick yourself up & start a whole new life when you can’t even get yourself out of bed in a morning, I have no control over my emotions & can cry or become very angry at any time. What sort of a job can you do when you feel like that?

I’m so sorry for your loss. It seems so unfair that we have to deal with these things as well trying to cope with the loss of our soul mates.
Do you have friends or family that can help you while you try to find your feet?

I know the practicalities do get in the way but please find the time to grieve and look after yourself.

I wish I had better answers for you.

Dee xxx

Thank you Dee, I have no family other than my 92 year old mother. Friends as others have said were great at first but have mostly all slipped away now.
I am finding this to be a very sad, lonely, scary place to be
Sue x

Let us be you family, let us support you if we can. We can listen even if we can’t be directly with you.

Keep posting
Take care

Dee xx

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