Time isn't helping

Just over a year ago I lost my oldest friend and then six months ago my Mum passed away. Both deaths were sudden and my Mum’s was totally unexpected. I never had the chance to say goodbye to either of them.
Today would have been my Mum’s birthday. I feel like life has moved on, I go to work, look after my kids do what is expected of me. But I don’t feel like myself and I am not OK. It feels good to admit it. I feel lonely in a crowd and that no one around me really understands. I’ve lost two really important people in my life and time doesn’t seem to be making it any easier. Some days I feel like screaming other days I can’t stop crying.


Hi lou10
Im very sorry for your huge losses and how you are feeling. It really is life changing to loose the people we love. I am in the very early stages of grief my dad passed away 5 days ago and have had some lovely kind messages already. I hope we can all support eachother. You are not alone we are all in this together. Sending hugs.


Hi, sorry about your situation, grieving is a long hard process. This forum is very helpful, the more you read the more you become aware that you’re not alone. Your feelings are completely understandable and normal. If you don’t have any friends or family that you can talk to, perhaps research the possibility of finding a counsellor to talk to…? I lost my Mum back in January and I have done a lot of reading about grief. I created a memorial garden pot for my Mum and the simple act of caring for the plants brings me comfort. I also post pictures and memories of my life with her on social media, really as a journal for me to look back on. Everyone finds their own way to grieve, there’s no right way to feel and we’re all plodding through our own journey. Best wishes to you xxx

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Hi JoanneC

Thank you for your kind words. It does help to know others out there are going through similar situations and understand how I’m feeling. I don’t have any close friends who have been through this and I find it hard to talk about it with them. They have all been very kind and supportive but I find it hard to explain to them what I feel. Reading the posts on here has helped, knowing I am not alone in feeling like this. I’m really sorry that you’ve lost your Dad. I hope you have some good people to help support you through this. Get through one day at a time and find comfort where you can. It has helped sharing what I feel on here, so you might find it helps to share your experience when you’re ready. Sending you back hugs.


Hi Rosiepink

Thank you for your kind words and advice. It has helped posting and getting replies, knowing there are other people out there going through the same thing and my feelings are normal.
I’m sorry that you’ve lost your Mum, your memorial garden pot sounds a lovely idea and I’m glad that you’ve found something that brings you comfort. I’ve planted a tree in my garden in memory of Mum, I can see it from my window. It does bring me some comfort to have a memorial to her close by that I can hopefully watch grow into a beautiful tree. Best wishes xx


HI @Lou10, like you I’m just over a year into my grief journey (my mum died Feb '22) I do think to myself sometimes I should feel better now its been over a year, and I have to remind myself grief doesn’t work to a set timetable. @Rosiepink mentioned counselling, and I’ve started that through the Sue Ryder team. I’m not expecting counselling to be a magic fix to everything, but am hoping it’ll help. Take care, Mike


First of all, I’m so sorry for your losses. Two incredibly important people in your life are no longer here and it’s ok to be heartbroken about that. I lost my dad over 5 years ago and I don’t feel it ever gets easier. Like you I go through the motions of my life but I’m not okay and things won’t be the same again. I’m trying to accept that. I’m sure there are so many people in your life who love and care about you and would appreciate you sharing how you’re feeling with them. I know I have this but struggle to open up but I urge you, if you can, do. Just remember you are not alone. Grieving has no timetable, and ironically it has a start but never an end. Wishing you all the best xxxx