My mother died a year ago after a massive stroke.
It only feels like a few weeks ago, my mind is so muddled and confused I think I’m going mad.
Has anyone else experienced this unsettling and scary feeling?
If anyone said to me your Mum has been gone a year I would say no, it’s only been a few weeks. I have lost close family members before but have never experienced this.
I have very little recollection of the past 12 months, I’m in a dreamlike state most of the time. I have had counselling, do you think I need more intensive therapy? Thanks for reading.
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Hi, only you can really know if you need more counselling. Grief doesn’t have a timescale, everyone’s experience will be different. Have a look at some of the advice online as there’s a lot of helpful suggestions about how you can try to manage day-to-day. Obviously if you’re really struggling, perhaps going to your GP might help. Best wishes xx
Hi Rosiepink
Thank you for your reply and advice.
I think I will see my GP if things have not improved in a week or so, maybe getting through the first anniversary next week will help
Best wishes.
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I think it’s worth noting that grief can have a huge impact both physically and emotionally. It’s over eight months since my Mum’s sudden death and I have felt lacking in energy and motivation for enjoying life. I have accepted that this is part of the immense grief I feel but I know this difficult time will move on. As you say, maybe after the anniversary things will shift for you. Give yourself space to reflect, best wishes xx
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Sorry to hear about your Mum. I feel tired all the time and don’t want to do anything or go out. I am lucky I have my adult daughter living with me and she will do a big shop at the supermarket and is a great support emotionally. I hate to think I’m relying on her too much and try not to. We are going away for a few days next week which will do us both good.
Take care xx
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Hi @Eve56 I too have just got through the first anniversary of ilosing my mum suddenly last October. It’s been tough these last weeks and my mind has kept having flashbacks to that terrible day.
I feel a bit better now. I had therapy for four months at the beginning to deal with the trauma aspect (finding mum), but then I realised that although it helped me at the time, ultimately grief is a journey we have to face alone.
Always here if you want to chat.
Kate xxx
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Hi Kate
Thanks for your reply. Sorry to hear about your Mum. The flashbacks are awful aren’t they? Sometimes I can’t get her image out of my mind especially the day she died, it was so traumatic. It must have been such a shock for you to find your Mum. Mine was in hospital for 2 weeks after a stroke, it was heartbreaking for us as I’m sure it was for her. It just feels like a few weeks ago not a year, that’s what I’m struggling with at the moment.
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Hi Eve56,
I am sorry you lost your mother, I lost my mother in 2006 and I m sort of over it now. My brother took her place now.
I lost my brother in February 2022, he had a massive heart attack and it still feels like just few moths ago. I was with him when he died.
Thanks for writing your post, I thought I was the only one with a muddled brain. I even thought I might have a brain tumour. I just cannot remember things and my head still feels as if some one had hit my head with a heavy object. It often takes only 5 to 10 seconds to forget things. I always have to write everything down but then I forget where I put my notebook. I know what you are saying about the dreamlike state.
I have not had any counselling, does it help? My best therapy is talking to an old friend via Jitsi on the internet. It might sound silly but I do not feel so alone when Jitsi is running. (Jitsi is like Zoom, but it is free to use.)
I have been on antidepressants on and off since April 2023 but I am trying to come off them now. I had some real problems when my GP switched the brand and I did not notice. I had some really bad days. (I have stopped taking them now.)
Take care Eve, - Nick.
Hi Nick
First of all, I’m so sorry for the delay in replying to you, blame my muddled brain! Like you I have to write everything down. I try to keep a notebook but end up with dozens of scrap pieces of paper which I usually lose. I go to my handbag to write something on my shopping list then forget what it was. I worry I have early stage dementia but the medical experts say no I don’t have it and that it’s “normal” with grief.
I’m sorry to hear about your brother, it must have been such a shock, one that I don’t think you ever get over.
I’ve been on antidepressants for many years but not sure if they are the answer. It was interesting what you said about the change of brand. I was on Vensir XL (venlafaxine 225mg) and the last time I picked up my prescription it had been changed to Vencarm XL (Aspire Pharma Ltd)
I think counselling helped up to a point but after a few weeks I slipped back into depression and uncontrollable sadness. This is easing very slowly, with the occasional blip when Mum comes to mind and I’m in tears again.
I’m glad you have a friend you can talk to online, I don’t find people very understanding, it’s almost like I should be over it by now.
Now we have Christmas coming up, another emotional challenge, I just dread it.
Take care
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Hi Eve,
I too have several notebooks, but can never find the one I am looking for. I also have lot of pieces of odd paper to write things down. Well, I was never the most tidy person. - Are you getting out of the house to talk to people? I find it important that we have something to look forward to. - I did not have a good day either today. I went to Boots today to have my blood pressure tested today. I told him about my brother and I too had tears in my eyes today. - I thought of counselling but chose giving treats to dogs in the park instead. - I did ignore Christmas last year and I will do it again this year. (Sorry I was never any good writing to people.)
Take care. - Niko (Nick)
Hi, No I don’t go out much at all, really just to the doctor or dentist, and to the pharmacy to get my covid/flu jabs. I certainly don’t want to go where too many people are, maybe I’ll go to the park & give treats to dogs sounds a lovely idea, I make a fuss of any dog I see (with owners permission of course!)
Can I ask if you and your brother were close? You said you are “sort of over” the death of your mother, I wonder if losing your brother has brought back memories of your Mum. My husband died of cancer in 2008 and I had lost my Dad over 50 years ago and my stepdad in 2019 and I’m now wondering if losing Mum was like the final straw and I’m grieving for all of them. Do you have any other family to support you?
Hi Eve,
I agree with everything you wrote. I also started wearing a mask again when In go shopping or get a jab. It is real fun giving the dogs some treats, they are really existed when they see me.
My brother and I were very close. He was 5 year old than I. He took me everywhere on his bike when we were young. (There was a short period when liked to to tease me.) I do not know anyone who had a better relationship. Perhaps it was because he was 5 years older. He sort of raised me. Our father was at sea all the time.
I sometime think that his marriage failed because we had such a good relationship. They got divorced in the early 80s.
We drove up and down the county after our mother died in 2006. We visited every manor house we could find for 12 years. (We took a lot of photos.)
Kentwell Hall was our favourite. Photo gallery: Kentwell Hall / Tudor Events | England's-Heritage Photos
The website is not finished and will never be now: http://englands-heritage.uk/EH/index.php/full-article/23-east-of-england/suffolk/11-kentwell-hall
(The website does not really work well because I made a mistake. It is OK on PCs but not on phones.)
http://englands-heritage.uk/EH/gallery/index.php?/category/1
(I must not forget to pay for the hosting of the website they will switch off in a few days now.)
Yes I think you are right about my mother. We did not want to stay at home. We made so may good memories drive around. - Covid change everything. He did not get Covid but he died because of Covid indirectly. We got a big food delivery that day and he picked up a big box containing heavy items. I am convinced he would still be alive now if he had not picked up that stupid box. (He died of a massive heart attack because of the stupid box. I still feel guilty because I was not quick enough. I used to take the items out of the box but I was too late that day.) - I am sorry going on a bit.
I am the last one of the family now. Neither I nor my brother had any children.
I have a cousin but have not had any contact since the 60s. My two aunts were a bit strange and we had hardly any contact with either of them.
Thank you for your post.
Niko