Time to grieve

I have just lost my dad after nursing him at home with my mum from a long illness. We nursed him on a hospital bed in the conservatory of his home. We had community nurses to help with his care. Everyday I went round to be with him and my mum. The weather was beautiful and the birds were singing. I helped to give him sips of water from a teaspoon and rubbed his chest to help it go down. He asked for some tuna one day and I had to tell him the shops didn’t have any, because I knew he was too poorly to eat. When he was unconscious I played his favourite songs and sang to him and told him we loved him and were taking good care of him. Now he has gone and I’ve been so busy taking care of things for my mum, I haven’t had time to take it all in and process it myself. I know he’s at peace, and I hope we did him proud. We’ve had the funeral and as I sit back I keep having flashbacks to nursing him as he was poorly. Life goes on, but life will never be quite the same again. I hope he is in a beautiful place full of love.

Hi. Dilyon. Welcome. I suggest that your time for grieving will come. Nothing can ever be the same, of course not, and it’s such early days for you. There is so much to do which is not helped by the present situation.
May I say you should never fear about guilt or remorse. It’s very evident that you loved your dad and that love extends well beyond the grave. It can never be lost or got at in any way. Birds singing!! Oh yes, and life and nature go on. Imagine your dad in a place where birds sing and it’s a good place to be.
Yes, you use the right word. Grief is a process. It takes it’s time and is very individual. There are no rules and everyone does it in their own way.
You sure did him proud in every way. Love, caring and compassion go hand in hand. Is your mum coping? Grieving together can help a lot. Coming on here will give you an example of how others have coped. Nothing whatsoever is worse than grief. The pain is so often indescribable. It’s an experience none of us want, but life being life, it’s inevitable.
Take care of yourself and your mum. Be kind to both of you, especially yourself. Blessings. John.

Thank you for your kind and meaningful words. My mum is doing OK, it’s just a bad time cause I have to self isolate for a few days so can’t pop round like I normally would. We can chat on the phone and I will keep a check on her. My dad loved nature and his walks on the moors and this will be where we will scatter his ashes when all this is over, and remember as the healthy young man he once used to be.
Kind regards

Dear Diane,
I would like to add my welcome to that of Jonathan. It sounds like your dad was a much loved husband and father and that you and your mum were able to give him lots of love and care at the end of his life, in his own home where he could listen to the birds. My sisters and my mum and I did the same for my dad a few years ago in the last week of his life. He too loved birds and I too played his favourite music for him on my phone and helped him take sips of water. I found that over time happier memories replaced the flashbacks of his last week where it was hard to seeing him get weaker and weaker. I am sure you will experience that too. It’s good that you and your mum shared the experiences together and will be able to support each other. I found that for me the loss of my dad did not really start to sink in until after the first busy weeks were over. Take good care of yourself. I hope you will find this online community helpful. You can post as little or often as you like, there will always be someone who will respond.

Thank you Jo for your comforting words, it sounds like you have experienced what I am going through, and it’s good to know that one day happy memories will replace the sadness of these past few weeks. It was so hard to watch my dad go through that and it’s not what he wanted, but hopefully he’s at peace and in a lovely place now
Kind regards

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Hello Diane,
How are you?
Grief is soul destroying as well as being hardwork, by that I mean it is so exhausting. I don’t know about you but I feel tired all the time, since my dearly loved husband died, in August 2019. We were married for 59 years and it does take some coming to terms with when we lose a loved one.
Take care and stay safe,
MaryL x