Seen several stories on here and other places plus from people i know, that when a person finds out they have particulary terminal cancer that they are dead within a few weeks. is this coincedence or does the knowing speed up the process, does the diagnosis speed up the timeline. i wonder if sometimes if its best not to tell the person who is going to die.
i know my neighbour wished she had not been told she only had about 2 months, she spent that time worrying about if each day was her last. she said if she hadnt have known she could have gone on holiday one last time.
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Hi Sue, I replied to this on Wayup,it’s an interesting thought.
Its truely a hoorid thing to know roughly how long you have left…
My wife 1st diagnosis was 3 to 6 years… bad but gave us time to do the things we always wanted to and to sort life after out…
A year and a half in we were sent to myton hospice for a medication review, within a month my wonderful wife had passed away RIP.
We were told at the hospice probably 6 to 8 weeks, then the panic kicks in…
I was told by one of the nurses it was then only likely a month at most… i told Helen as i hated lying to her when she asked me “how long”
After that point i never left her side as she was worried and frightened
in massive pain and indignity but focused on sorting things out…
Its good to be able to know how long we have left so you can sort things out, but then knowing really ramps up the worry stress and grief…
Take care
Chris
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he is so young and so sorry to hear this. i have no answer, none of us do. in your case take every day on its own, maybe focus on xmas and make it as good as you can
@SueF1 I am not sure there is a standard timeline, my wife was told between Christmas and New Year that after two years she had no options left and the likely time left was “weeks or months”, which is usually 8-12 weeks.
She lived with no treatment until the end of September see all our birthdays, including her own…
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so sorry to hear that xx
@miker after having a couple of rude pm’s over one of my replies i have now deleted the link to that group, wont be going on there again
My husband died suddenly and unexpectedly with a massive rear saddle pulmonary embolism and undiagnosed kidney cancer which was in both kidneys and had breach from the kidney. He was 53 years old.
Lots of people said that he went quickly without knowing that he had cancer but for my son and me we didn’t get the chance to say what we would of wanted to say and my husband didn’t get the chance to fight the awful cancer.
Big hugs to you all Xx
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Hi All,
@SueF1 there are many cancer stories, you don’t even need to look very hard to find them, my Grandpa died back in the 90’s, he had rectal cancer that spread into his stomach, my uncle on my dad’s side died of pancreatic cancer that spread to his liver, my mom had brain tumors, when she collapsed & was rushed to hospital, 3 days & many tests later, they diagnosed the brain tumor, they sent her to a specialist who did more tests, then told her it was a very aggressive cancer, terminal, if she had an operation to remove the tumor, she had 1 years at best, without an operation to remove it, she had weeks. 
They removed it & put her on chemotherapy, within months they found 2 more brain tumors, a few months later she became bedridden, & died 9 months after she was initially diagnosed, she was 64.
My uncle is currently dieing of colon cancer.
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Hi all,
I also lost my wife recently to metastatic breast cancer (bones and liver). I am someone who craves information - it is the only way I can process things, I can’t just be told something, I have to understand it. My wife was in treatment for approx 18 months after her diagnosis - a combination of radiotherapy, chemotherapy and numerous drugs to manage the side effects and pain. A major part of her treatment plan was the monthly blood tests which essentially told us how her liver function was being affected. From quite early on in the process, I was able to understand what each of the liver markers meant and felt heartened (occasionally) and worried (frequently) by what they were telling us - they were stable for long periods then would increase quite significantly from month to month. Sometimes the oncologist would change the dosage and we would see a good response but latterly the markers just kept increasing despite the drugs. I had to fill in a DNR with our GP in my wife’s final days and asked her outright how long my wife had left (she wasn’t with me at the time) based on her experience of these things. She said it was very difficult to give an accurate timeline in the case of terminal illness, but as a very general rule of thumb said that if significant changes are happening over months then the person probably has weeks to live, if they are happening over weeks, then it is probably in the order of days left to live. Sadly, this was proven to be very accurate in our case as my wife was put on weekly blood tests just 8 days before she passed away. 
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@DWJ I’m so sorry to read this has happened to your wife and you. Very interesting post. My husband died suddenly and unexpectedly at 53 years old of kidney cancer. I notice now he was sleeping more and had lost some weight after looking at some of the pictures. He also had back pain but always did as he was a joiner carpenter. In the last weeks he had night sweats, a cough, burping, itchy skin and couldn’t go to the loo. He was going to have a CT scan the day he died. My husband was still working until the day before he died so didn’t realise that he was so ill. Something I feel so guilty about. X
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Hi @Hazel.1966,
Pls don’t feel guilty, I know easier said than done something, but you have nothing to be guilty for, none of us are experts in cancer, even the doctors.
Before my mom collapsed, she was getting more tired, but we all assumed it was because she was babysitting my nephew, no-one could of known it was a brain tumor, but I guess we all look back & play the “what if” game, what if I’d noticed? What if I could of done something sooner? But it does no good, all you can do is carry them in our hearts, remember the love & memories, & keep moving forward. Sending hugs of support.
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@Hazel.1966
Likewise, very sorry to hear your story of your husband’s illness. Chronic fatigue was ever present for my wife. The weight loss tended to occur during times when her bloods were not good, as the disease was progressing. The weight loss is harrowing, nothing quite prepares you for that. I would help my wife into the shower and then sit outside the bathroom in tears until she was finished. I would then pull myself together again to go in and help her back out. It was brutal 
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That’s a shame,I’m disappointed that anyone in our situation couldn’t just keep their thoughts to themselves.
Hi Nori
I am so sorry for you & your boys, my heart goes out to you. It is totally s…t for you & your family, so cruel.
I agree with you re the assisted dying in Switzerland - after witnessing my husbands end I have already arranged with a friend to come with me to Switzerland if I get a cancer or dementia diagnosis. I have nobody to look after me & do not want to end up in a care home.
Take care of yourself & hope your boys are as ok as they can be.
Alison xx
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I have lost 2 very close relatives to cancer
Pancreatic cancer was awful the time left is precious but it depends on the individual on whether they want to know. Just talk about happy memories and spend as much time together with family x
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I am so sorry for your news
Hospice nurses are the most amazing and caring staff. The time u have they will help 24 7 sending prayers to u and your family x
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@Nori I am so sorry to hear this Nori though I know that you said that your husband was going into a hospice I didn’t expect things to move forward so quickly. I guess if you didn’t take your boys later they might of asked why they didn’t get to see their dad. No right or wrong there. I just keep talking to my son about his father every day as he is very inward and I do worry about him. He lights a candle most days.
Thinking of you and your family. Always here for you my lovely. Take care and big hugs to you all Xx
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Nori, I’m sorry to read your post. You will all need so much support, but your boys will help keep you strong, but you need time for yourself as well which is so difficult and fully understand. If you can keep messaging we are here for you xx