First time poster but long time lurker! I lost my partner 5 months ago and I’m struggling to move through life alone. When I sleep, I struggle to fall asleep and then end up sleeping 10 to 12 hours in one go.
I’ve pushed myself to go out but feel like I’m in a bubble when I’m around people. I can’t understand that when my world stopped turning when I lost my boy, the world continues turning for everyone else. I’ve packed his things into boxes but can’t face sorting through them.
I feel like everything is pointless and has no meaning. I live very far from family and feel very lonely and adrift. Is there any advice you lovely people have for getting through this?
Really sorry to read your story, but be sure weve all been there and understand. At around this time, when (for me, anyway) the worst grief started to ease, I started to search for a way forward, so I didn’t spend the rest of my life in this state.
I started to look at the rest of my life as the next chapter of my imaginary book, “The Life of Tykey”.
How would I like the plot of my book to be ?
So I wrote the key points, such as , where will I live, will I look for another romance (no), what new hobbies, holidays did I want) , how will I set about building new friendships. So then I knew I had to take steps, often lots of tiny ones, towards making my chapter real.
One thing was clear, if I didn’t make it happen, it wasn’t going to come and knock on my door.
Now, after 3 years, my new chapter is unfolding , not always exactly as I planned, but it’s good again. I no longer dread the new day. It’s different from what I thought it would be, but I’m enjoying it.
This week,
Thursday it’s singing with a large 4 part harmony choir (made loads of new friends)
Friday is flute lesson.
Every other day is dog walking, and mindfulness practice.
But I still don’t like being in smalltalking crowds, where I miss her terribly, ie Lonely in a crowd. So I just avoid getting myself in that situation. I just don’t need that.
I’ve refused to fear anniversaries, they are opportunities to celebrate what we had. So I try to do something challenging and/or enjoyable. It is our 53rd wedding anniversary tomorrow, so I’m off alpaca trecking.
Hello
Firstly big hugs, I am 2yrs on this journey of loss but it will and does get more bearable, it is early days for you and although we all want to find a way out of this heartbreak as soon as possible because nobody wants to live in pain and misery the best and only way is to “go through it” allow all your emotions a voice, process them, understand them, be kind to yourself, be patient, be vulnerable and keep your heart open. Allow love in. They never really left, only the physical body did. Love never dies. It all takes time and being in the present moment as much as you can. Everybody grieves differently but millions of people survive grief and you will do to when the timing is right for you and you will know when that is. Until then don’t fear it all just allow it to happen and you will come to a place of peace where you will slowly live and be you again
Hello Tykey
I just want to say happy 53rd Anniversary for tomorrow (yes it can be a happy celebration), as you remember 53 years of loving her and she you.
Like you my life has changed so much, I am in a happy place now, I have made new friends, have a great social life and have a support network that share my highs and consistently there for me through the lows. I have just had a fun 4 nights in Liverpool and I actually went to The Cavern where they had live music, first time I could do live music since he died as he was a musician and wrote and sang songs to me. It was difficult when I walked in but I allowed the music to do some healing and it worked. Lyn
It’s brilliant that you’ve rebuilt a good life. More power to your elbow.
Here’s a challenge for you to achieve in his memory: choose a musical instrument and play him one of his favourite songs. But think of the neighbours and don’t choose the bagpipes:grin:
Just a bit of humour to brighten the day, my friend got me on this dating app and I was a bit clueless as to how to navigate it but I persevered and I had over 200 likes first day and thought how did that happen and I’m really selective/cautious… I realised instead of deleting their profiles I was hitting the wrong button and liking everyone on the planet
Hi Spledge. I know we’ve wandered off a bit, but hopefully you’ve managed to glean from it all, that a new good life can be rebuilt from the ashes. I remember it’s sometimes difficult to believe, but hang in there and try move forward:pray:
Thank you all for replying and I didn’t mind the wandering off topic, gives me hope there’s a way out of this! I think up until now, I have been in shock and denial for the past 5 months and it is now that the reality is starting to hit. My boy was only 55 when I lost him at the end of last year and at 52, I’ve still got alot of my life left without him.
My life became quite insular over the last 2 years as I struggled with juggling working with increasingly caring for him. He was my safe space up until this and was such a strong, caring funny man and it’s so frightening to be without him. But your replies do give me hope and to stop pressuring myself to push through grief. Thank you everyone. X
That’s why I posted it… to let you know life can and does change and progresses, nothing in life stands still…it’s all about baby steps, until like me you are ready to start taking leaps everyone’s journey is different but your new life is waiting for you when you are ready and willing to go forward until then take it easy on yourself. Lyn x
I am in the same boat as you he was 55, lost him Dec 24 suddenly and I am 54. Omg what happens now? No other person could make vh up to him so no dating.
Thank you for giving me hope….I need some at the moment. My husband died suddenly in January this year. I’m only 54 and life at the moment is painful and bleak. Posts like these keep me putting one foot in front of the other!
but confess I do love the bagpipes but I don’t have the lung power for that 
I think up until now, I have been in shock and denial for the past 5 months and it is now that the reality is starting to hit. My boy was only 55 when I lost him at the end of last year and at 52, I’ve still got alot of my life left without him.