My mother died suddenly last year. I’m my mothers only child and my dads middle. My mom and dad separated when I was 12. From that point on it’s been my mom and I. I was 44 when she passed. I immediately got into therapy and 6 months in I went on leave from my job for 3 months because I started having anxiety attacks. I went on medicine which has done nothing for the sad but made it possible for me to function at work. I’m married with no children and live in a different place from where I grew up.
I wrote all this to explain that I’m struggling because I feel that there are plenty of people to talk to about grief but the gap of not having the person that was my safe place leaves no feeling of a safe place. My wife is an awesome person but I often feel her POV is “I love you but…” it’s quite the lonely feeling because all the people that raised me and I would turn to are gone. I often feel like I don’t fit anywhere. My wife lost her mom a few years before me and she’s from where we live. So she has family that she grew up with and a younger brother. I feel like she tries to comfort my mother’s death but I don’t struggle with her death. I’m triggered by events that cause me to want a safe place. Which was my mom and once I start to think about she’s not here. I feel completely alone and nowhere to go. I really just want to move on and feel better or have a form of sadness that is consistent as I have developed extreme lows. I don’t know if any of this makes sense but I’m kind of lost and tired of therapy. Has anyone else experienced this?