Lost my father recently, who lived with us and also lost my mother just over 3 years ago. Dad had a peaceful ending and always appreciated everything that was done for him. We felt lucky to have the time with him living with us and had time to say our goodbyes. Mum had significant health issues that she battled for years and though she was very brave, it took its toll on her mentally as well Our relationship was very strained in her later years as she needed more emotionally and practically than I could give. I have a demanding, stressful job in social work and avoided grieving her death for a long time. I woke up feeling exhausted today though I am off work this week. Today when out I saw a woman who was the image of mum and wanted to go over to her but didn’t as I know it wouldn’t have achieved anything but awkwardness. I have never seen anyone who looked like mum before, ever. It wasn’t just her face, it was the way she held herself , her thin hair., way she dressed. I don’t know what I’m expecting from writing this but I found it really upsetting and strange timing having just lost dad ( partner saw her as well- not my imagination!).

Dear @Ruby28

Welcome to the Community, I want to start by apologising that you have had no response to your post until now. I am sorry to hear of the loss of your father and mother.

Sometimes it is just good to chat, and this forum is here for this and for people like yourself. Rather than bottle everything up, it is good to get how you feel off your chest and put it in writing.

It is always a heart stopping moment when you see a ‘double’ of your parents and then realise it is not them. I have experienced this myself and it conjures up memories and emotions and you so wishing it was your parent so you can give them a hug.

Take one day at a time and be gentle with yourself. You are still grieving the loss of your mum and now your dad. Grief is a journey and not a race, it is to be taken at your pace. There is a useful Grief Guide that will help you understand and cope with your bereavement and grief along with discovering new ways to cope. This may be of help to you.

Keeping reaching out here, you are not alone, we are all here for you.

Take care.


Thank you for your kind words.

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