Lost my hubby in June 2022. Still feel his loss every day. It’s been a tough time, so much deal with, it was a second marriage and I thought we were close but now that’s gone seems it was about what they could get if I moved , it was always my home so I was shocked. This coupled with difficult times with my own family has added to the sense of loneliness . I’m lucky I’ve got great friends and have pushed myself to go out and meet people so I’ve tried but this feeling of loneliness swamps me sometimes. Your friends tend to think because you’re functioning and doing things you’re ok but that’s not quite true. Been wondering if moving house would help it’s too big for me really but the thought of moving where I only have one friend or none stops me. I know I need to change my life but so hard just on your own. I’ve had bereavement counselling but it didn’t really help. Would love to move by the coast where people seem more friendly I live in a commuter belt so everyone is busy large house no neighbourhood community really , but I’ve always lived in this area so its big step I just don’t know what should be my next step on my own with no family , but I have my cat perhaps I should stop wanting more. I’ve recovered from my op I’ve managed to get away when the opportunity was offered with friends, maybe I should think of solo holidays but haven’t plucked up the courage , I like people but am a nit awkward till I get to know people all seems so daunting. But I guess the only way is up fingers crossed… any tips on the next stage would be appreciated.
Hello @Chrisj,
I’m so sorry for the loss of your husband. Thank you for sharing this with us. I’m just giving your thread a gentle, “bump” for you - hopefully someone will have some thoughts to share.
Take good care,
Alex
Hi Chris,
Just a short reply as I am needing my bed! You asked about moving and whether it would help. Well, three years ago, my wonderful adored husband died and I was more devastated than I can tell you. For ages I was numb, uncaring, just doing what had to be done but more like a zombie than a woman. My family was wonderful, but it didn’t make up for my loss.
Then, just over a year ago, one of my daughters suggested that I move and I decided that it was then or never.
Now, I have a lovely apartment overlooking a busy harbour where I can watch the ferries go in and out and see people walking on the promenade. Walking is so much nicer when it’s by the sea! And yes, it has really helped. I feel less lost somehow. Nothing will make me truly happy again but moving has given me something else to concentrate on and that is a good thing.
So, good luck and I hope you can pluck up the courage to uproot yourself because being where you are doesn’t seem to be doing much for you. Sounds like it couldn’t get much worse!
Hi Chris - my partner died in March aged 68. Im 70. We were in the process of trying to move - we’d lived in our house 26 years. A housing development of 75 properties is due to start in 2024 (40 next to our house then 35 next to that) plus a thoughless neighbour had prompted the need to move. Ive jumped on my own - and now find ive bought a huge moneypit which after moving into 3 weeks ago, i now hate with a vengence. I always wanted a cottage. Ive now got a 300 year old one which i fell in love with. Its in a beautiful place - countryside all around - but its cold and noisy (terraced) and i have a neighbours dog that barks through the walls and drives me nuts. Its far too big (i had viewed it as a project to help me grieve). The owners had done so many bodge jobs where my old house was immaculate. I would gladly go back and face the bulldozers in my old home though i know this would be dreadful to witness. Im in an even worse place mentally now but i was faced with a no win scenario. I would have loved a comfy 2 bed bungalow but there arent any around my area that are not on an estate or havent had the insides ripped out and have tiny gardens (and are also v expensive). I love peace and quiet and the countryside and i honestly expected to find it here. So - think and choose very carefully. If you really dont need to move - dont. Wishing you all the best.
Thanks I’ll think long and hard before moving. I know I dont want a doer upper useless at DIY would have to get builders in. Although my house is large everything is done, Im thinking when it’s no longer manageable I’ll move but then I think I’m not happy here but do you ever get happy. Somewhere with a bit of buzz where people say good morning would be great, but leaving my friend base would be I think be too much to make the jump…but the grass isn’t always greener as you’ve found out. I’m so sorry it hasn’t worked out for you, my house is detached hearing people next door and a dog constantly barking would drive me nuts. I guess there’s no easy answer… we thought about moving to the sea before he died but he didn’t really want to move so we stayed put, doing it on my own is even more daunting.
A place by the a harbour sounds wonderful but loosing my existing friend base would be so hard. Maybe I’ll think of renting next year before jumping, I need to do something but have to be sure it’s right for me I’m comfortable in my home I love my garden when there’s nobody to meet up with I work till I drop. I’m not happy and know I have to start changing things, not good at joining new clubs but perhaps I have to push myself a bit more. I don’t have many single friends most people are involved with grandchildren which I’d love but distance means that nit going to happen for me so best foot forward. I always get down at weekends just get cross with myself that I feel lonely but perhaps I should be kinder to myself it’s only just over a year I guess it just takes time. Wish me luck , sounds like you’ve made the right move I’ll get my place sorted and maybe next year would be a time to rethink my future, you’ve given me hope I just have to be brave or get happier here .
I do indeed wish you luck! It’s not easy to move, as I well know. I had a five bedroom house with big rooms and a large garden and it was fine when there were two of us but daunting when it was just me. This flat has three bedrooms and a balcony and they are, thankfully, much smaller than at my old house. Luckily for me, the flat had been tastefully decorated by the previous owners so there was nothing I needed to do unless I wanted to… My main problem was downsizing my possessions! I had far too much stuff and didn’t know what to keep and what to throw away!
The old house was in a quiet village, and as the living rooms all overlooked the back garden, I never saw people passing by and most of my neighbours were at work so I never really got to know them. My husband loved it there or I would have tried to move ages ago.
Anyway, somehow it all got done (although I have to admit, some stuff is still in storage waiting to be sorted) and I am now beginning to settle.
I find after all this time that I have got about as far as I can with happiness. I am reasonably content, have hobbies and I see my family regularly. I have accepted the fact that the life I knew has gone for good and I just have to make the most of the time that’s left.
I do hope you find contentment too, whatever you decide to do. You are right not to rush into a move.