To move or not to move

I last my husband about 4 months ago and am now planning on moving. This isnt a new idea - we talked about it before he died and he fully approved. I am thinking of going into a retirement flat and have seen one I really love. I know it hasnt been long since I lost him but we did talk about it. What have other people done and how do you feel about it?


I’m three months on from the loss of my husband. Quite scared about whether I can manage current house and large garden on my own. So when I got unsolicited letter from a chap saying he was looking for a “forever” family home, ours looked ideal and would I consider selling, it forced me to think about moving. For me there was a big temptation to run away from the responsibility of maintaining a large property and to cash in on the equity as I’m worried about how I will cope on a much reduced income as a widow. . But where would I go? Downsize? But not so much that there isn’t room for the grandchildren to come and stay? Or do I move to be nearer son and his family? A house with a garden, cos I love gardening, or one without if I’m forward planning for when I’m less mobile?
You are in a different place on all that if you’ve identified a new home that you think would suit you. And it really helps that you talked about it before you were left on your own.
The other issue for me was whether I was ready yet for the upheaval and work involved in moving. It would bring forward the task of clearing out his wardrobe, but also his shed and the garage. Selling the lawnmowers and all the other equipment that I don’t know how to use, not to mention the bikes and the surfboards. I know I’m not strong enough yet to tackle all of that. I’ve still got my Mothers estate to sort out before I even start on Neil’s probate. I know I need to work on it incrementally. So my conclusion was to give myself at least a year and see whether I can manage here on my own before making such a big decision.
But if you are living in a home without decades of clutter and memories to clear out …or you’ve got friends or family who can help you do it…and you seen an alternative place you’d love to be, then the right decision for you might be completely different to mine.
Good luck whatever you decide.


Sorry for your loss

I don’t know your current living situation - but as much as many of us want to stay in our home, it isn’t always feasible or practical.

I don’t know your support structure where you currently reside, but if you were together for 70 years, I think it would be a practical to move into a retirement home and get the support you may need, if it is lacking

Stay strong

Hi Vicky. The fact that you know that you love the new flat speaks volumes. When I had a dilemma recently my lovely, and very wise, friend Sam said to me ‘does it make you happy? If it does, you should go for it’. That really simplified something that I was totally overthinking and it really helped me. As far as houses go, I haven’t considered moving. But I have instigated lots of cosmetic changes in our house. I’ve updated the decor, changed the colour scheme and replaced things (including our bed). Not because I wanted to forget Alan but because I needed to focus on my future. It wasn’t a decision I took lightly but I’m glad I did. It feels like my home now. My sanctuary. And I love it. Whatever decision you make I wish you all the luck in the world. Take care x

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As everyone has said if you feel it’s right for you then go for it. I lost my husband just over two years ago. Just before the Christmas and it was suddenly at home, we also had been talking of moving in the near future and this is something I plan on doing later this year. I don’t feel happy in this house knowing it’s where he passed away as the memory is always there and I often imagine him lying on the floor, but it’s letting go of things he had collected over the years that is being the hardest. Certain items I am keeping as he bought them for me but the rest have no sentimental value to me. I have been looking at residential park homes as a possiblity as stairs will become a problem in the future, and also being with people more my age, a flat would not be suitable as I would need a small garden for my dog
Whatever you decide, I wish you well