Started crying as soon I woke up. Took two Kalms before I had any breakfast. but I am still crying and calling out for my husband. Yes, I know he is not coming back, yes, I know he is dead and his urn is upstairs in our bedroom, but I still hope to wake up from this terrible and painful nightmare. Tomorrow is Father’s Day and I would have a nice card and present for him ready. Now - just pain and despair. Is there any hope that it will get better or easier? Four months and three days on a journey I never asked for and I still have to suffer. Sending lots of love and hugs to everyone.
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…so sorry you are having a bad day again…I too am on the floor this morning…feeling very down 
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Hi it must be one of those days today 3 years in and today cant stop crying so very lonely 
so sorry you are feeling like this I would not wish this pain on my worst enemy
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I am so sorry that you also have a terrible day. It sounds stupid but I am glad that the weather changed today. It is overclouded and a bit cooler. Maybe I am lucky and it will rain later. I am suffering terribly from hay fever this year although I am taking tablets. And I cannot stand the sunshine - I have the feeling that it makes it worse. My husband would be in front of our house cleaning the car and cleaning up the garden when the sun shines. I still cannot believe that I will never see him again. Sending lots of love and hugs.
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I wish I could you give a big hug. I know how lonely you feel. That feeling does not go away even when I am surrounded by people. And then that terrible silence even when the TV or radio is on. It is raining now (Tilbury) and I am glad about it because I cannot stand more sunshine. It is not getting better or easier because of good weather and no, it would not help me to go to see friends in Berlin or go for a walk. Only people who are in the same situation as us understand the despair and sadness we are going through. Sending you lots of love and hugs.
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I am exactly the same today @Annaessex i am so sad … i miss him so much and what is point of me being alive without him here ? I cant see any ? I wish god had taken me too … ive had enough … i just wanna give up ! People dont understand the pain and its just too much … xx
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Dear Deb5, I know what you mean. Every time when I wake up I asked myself WHY?? I do not want to be here anymore. Everything is overwhelming and it does not make any sense to carry on. I just want to wake up from this nightmare but I know it will never happen. So I try my best and fail again, try my best and fail again… Just to think that I will be on my own without him until my time comes is unbearable. I am 62 in August 63 and the nightmare continues. I don’t recognize myself anymore. I lost my self-confidence, cannot concentrate, and I am not getting better. I suppose you are the same. I am now four months and three days on this lonely journey and it is getting harder. It is a roller coaster but I will not give up for his sake. Who would tell funny and lovely stories about him when I am not around? So I carry on crying and existing. Sending lots of love and hugs to you.
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Thsnk you @Annaessex yes today is a bad day ! Im up and down like a yo yo ! I dunno who i am anymore ? It is my birthday tomorrow and im dreading it ! Same age as you … no plans to do anything ! Nobody has invited me out anywhere ! Its all such a waste of time ! Life is a waste of time ! I just wanna be with him ! I cant be bothered anymore ! Know that sounds awful but what’s the point ? There isnt any really is there 
xxx i think i would like to move but dunno where to ? I just feel completely lost and time doesnt seem to help in fact i feel even lonelier as time goes on … because i feel i have lost my purpose for living which was HIM xx
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I was thinking of moving as well but I know it would not help me. I don’t know if you live in a nice area (the countryside) or like me in not a really nice area (rubbish everywhere and not so nice people, although our street is not too bad). I do not drive and have to take public transport or even taxis. I do not have real support from my local surgery and I hesitate to ask them about counseling or bereavement groups. I also have to sort out the financial situation on top of everything else. It is a pity that you are not living close by; we could meet and talk about our husbands. It is true that our husbands were the reason to live, to care for them, and to love them.
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Yeh it is a shame or we could meet up … i live in a fairly decent area but i don’t like it ! Theres nobody who understands what its like and they’re either really young and rent their house or theyre all just a bit stupid and just don’t get it !!! Or as my cynical mum once said - people dont want to get it ! They don’t understand our heart is broken and it’s a struggle just to survive do they ? My middle daughter mourns her dad but she has a life still … i havent ! I got my little puppy of 6 months but that not a person is it ? Its not my lovely husband who i loved so much ? And i dont understand why God could be so cruel to take him from me !!!
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I just started bereavment counselling … just had one session - a group ? Not yet but theres always some around if you look for them ? This is a sort of group really its just online as opposed to in person xx
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Today i had a total meltdown could not stop crying today for some reason.
My husband only passed away 9 days ago sudden death so in limbo with no death certificate.
I miss him terribly we were married over 35 years. I am stuggling to make any sense of what is happening.
I dont have family close by my daughter is in Australia and will be coming home once we can arrange funeral date.
I am planning on going out to garden centre for fathers day to buy him a present as that is what we usually did them
Not be quite the same without him to share a cake and coffee.
Tomorrow is another day hope is better than today. Hope your fathers day goes well too.
Take care and look after yourself x
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I am so sorry for your loss. Tomorrow Father’s Day I would get a nice card and present for him. Now everything is different. It is sad that your daughter is so far away and I hope that she will come earlier before the funeral and can stay longer to support you. You are very brave to go to the garden center tomorrow. I cannot even go to Asda or Lidl or take the train because of the memories we shared. My awful journey started four months and three days ago. Sending lots of love and hugs.
Thank ÿou
Another evening alone with my thoughts.
Hopefully tomorrow will be better.
I am going to try to go out tomorrow but no promises I dont drive my husband did that so will be having to travel by bus
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Dear Galaxy75, we are all here to support you. Of course, it will never be the same as talking to our partners but it does help a bit. I am missing holding hands with my husband and his smile. I still regret that I deleted the last voicemail from him but I did not know that he would die so suddenly. Sending you lots of love and an extra hug to you.
I know exactly what you mean
Missing the bedtime kisses /routine saying see you in the morning.
Take care x
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It’s been a year and five months. The last three weeks were a nightmare more than the other ones. I thought that i need to be strong which I always have been. But it was the first time after he passed away that I could look at some of our memories or even touch his clothes .But we can all carry on . Some days will be a nightmare some less so.
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Thank you
I am just taking one day at a time just now.
Take care x
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It’s hard , it’s cruel and it’s devastating . It’s like suffocating all the time . I try hard to just carry on but there is always this gaping black hole beside me . I was with my beloved husband for 53 years in total . I try to be thankful for the wonderful years we had but I am so angry that they now stop so abruptly. I am so jealous when I hear people talk about their partners and things they are doing , I hate seeing happy couples walking down the street hand in hand or sitting chatting and smiling together . I hate being this horrible resentful bitter sad empty being .
I wish you all comfort and peace and hope we all find it soon x
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Thank you today will be hard fathers day here my daughter is in Australia and wil be over in about 2 weeks for the funeral.
I will be able to have a few weeks with her before she returns back so simething to look forward to. At the moment i cant see anything which would help relieve this pain.
I wanted to go get him a present for fathers day so trying to get myself together to go out to get one x
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