Today's bad

Hi. I’m new to the Community today but already can find so many comments matching my own feelings. My husband died on 30 November 2016. 18 weeks. He had dementia and pneumonia. He died two days before his birthday. He would have been 84, a young 84, despite his illness, I’m 69 and was his full time 24/7 carer for the last 2-3 years. We were married for 45 years. He was my life and me his. I’m disappointed today. It’s been so much better on recent days but today I feel I’ve been hit by a truck. The nausea is back, shaking and cold, meltdown panic this morning as I fought to control my feelings. It’s frightening. Walking round Morrisons with happy Easter shopping families, me in my sunglasses just wanting to get out and unable to breathe. I know it can be better than this. I’ve written on and on, filling books with my feelings and write in large letters when the grief abates that it can be better and read it when I’m at my worst. It’s hard to remember what everyone says, that it will get better or, as one person put it two weeks after my husband died “life goes on”. Thanks for that! Good luck and warmth to all of you struggling with your individual circumstances. We can make it. One step at a time.

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Hi,I can understand how you feel my husband died 3 weeks ago after 46 ys of marriage .I have had a bad day today butterflies from morning to night.
Somebody said today well the suns out you must feel better?I shop but cant wait to get home looking at all the couples walking around shopping laughing and think you have no idea how I am feeling.
I cared for my husband on and off for 1yr 3 moths whilst he fought cancer and think all the time the pain he was in.
Its terrible without him and cant imagine what my life is going to be like for the rest of my life without him.
You are right we can make it talking on this web site helps because nobody understands unless you are going through it.
Take care Sue

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Thank you for your reply Sue and I hope you are feeling better than yesterday, even a little bit. I am, slightly. I can’t think about the rest of my life without him, it’s too heartbreaking. Everyone says it gets better, I just wonder how anyone ever gets through this to find out but I guess they just keep going. I’m taking a day at a time. If any part of any day feels better it gives me hope that I will survive, somehow. You’re in my thoughts.
Hugs
Gilli

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Thank you Gill xx

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Stay in touch. Maybe we can help each other through this nightmare. X

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Will do Gill anytime.xx

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Thanks. Likewise x

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Gill did you see channel 4 news last night about happiness.This man was talking about the loss of his son.he said he decided there and then that he could stay in this dark place lock himself in a room and cry for the rest of my life and suffer.He decided that he couldn’t bring him back and to start from that day to live without him It wouldn’t be the same but each day he accepted this was the life he had to accept and today make this this zero point and make it slightly better today and slightly better the day after.xxx

I didn’t see it Sue but thanks I will catch it on the iPlayer. He makes a very valid point because, let’s face it, what other choice do we have? We have to go on without them, We don’t want to but who does. It won’t just be make the decision and that’s it, get on with it as there will still be the highs and lows but I suppose we learn as we go along. I’ve spent today resting, just sitting in the sun in the conservatory reading and recovering from yesterday’s frightening meltdown. The vicar has been coming round to,see me since the funeral and he came by chance last night. I was an absolute sobbing misery but he’s a lovely guy and helped me. I said just don’t pray, I can’t take it as all I can do is cry. Today, Wednesday, is not good. My husband died 18’weeks ago today. As you know, the pain is dreadful but we have to learn how to get through. Did you watch the Rio Ferdinand programme? What a brave man. He has no choice and three children too. I’m here for you Sue. Don’t know whether we can share email addresses but if we are you are welcome to mine if so. Take care. Hugs, Gillixx

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Hi, Yes it 4weeks today since Bobs funeral and I kept away from the clock but did think 5 weeks ago he was at home and alive talking to me.
I did see that program and yes he’s very brave but nothing helps does it.
I have given up on God for the time being I prayed so hard every day and so did friends at church but it didn’t do any good.
Yes lets change emails do we do it on this page or another way?
xxx Sue

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Support helps Sue from those who are going through it themselves as nobody else understands. I know how you feel. I look at the clock every Wednesday lunch time 12.25. We know it won’t always be like this but right now it IS and it’s hard to hang on to the fact that it gets better when sometimes it couldn’t be any worse. I will ask the moderator about exchange of emails as it may mean they do it for us. I’m still here and thinking of you. GIllix

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Thanks Gillxx

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Hi both,

Our <a href=“https://support.sueryder.org/community/guidelines=”_blank">Community Guidelines don’t allow you to publish email addresses or other personal details on the forum. This is to protect your own safety and security, as other people besides you two can see it if you post it in a forum post like this one.

However, did you know that we also have private messaging on this site? Click on the envelope symbol next to the person’s username to send them a private message.

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Let me know if you have any questions.

Priscilla
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