Tomorrow is my Mum’s funeral, I’ve just sat and sobbed my heart out whilst writing a message on one of the little wooden hearts that came with Mum’s coffin, ready to tie it on at the crematorium.
I am struggling so much with panic attacks about my own mortality and about the thought of never seeing my Mum again. I so badly wish I had religion to comfort me and that I could believe in something.
This is just agony.
Hello stardust, I’m sorry for your loss. I don’t think you need to believe in something to feel comfort when you’re grieving the loss of a loved one. You can take solace in knowing your mum is no longer suffering, nor in pain. Her presence is gone but the love you shared with her is unique and singular in all of this universe. As much as you are a part of her, she is a part of you. Her purpose in life was to live and in doing so she brought you into this world. Your purpose is no different; to live, to seek and find what happiness there is to be found during the time you have. Mental strength is not about carrying on during great trauma, it’s about being able to let go. I hope you find some peace of mind today at your mum’s funeral. My heart goes out to you.
It’s ok to not have religion or a god to believe in. There is your mother’s love, hope for the future, that where there is rain there will also be rainbows, yourself. If it’s not ok, it’s not the end.