I’ve got 2 years I can stay here per will … I won’t rush but it’s a big garden and it’s been keeping me busy which has been good just now … 4 days to cut the hedge ! … always dreamed of retiring to France and we should have been out there just now looking at houses but don’t know if I’m brave enough to do that on my own … my head can’t settle on one thing so it’ll have to wait … it’s too soon yet to think about … sure time will only help … I’ve been taking piccys of all the flowers out in the garden thinking I might not be here next year when they’re out again and taking cuttings of my favourites so I can take them with me … it’s been a godsend having a garden just now I don’t know how anyone copes in this lockdown without one
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Hi B we have a holiday home in Bulgaria brought 12 years ago we were over there at least 4 times a year I am dreading going over there in the future Mick loved it but he told me never to sell it and continue going over I will one day not this year I may feel different next just the thought of him not been with me x
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Hi B. Glad the garden is keeping you busy but a lot of waits for one person. My head is the same, everything is going round and round and can’t focus on anything just now. Still off my work and don’t know if I can go back or not 
. Not going to be pushed into making decisions. France would be lovely but yes it takes a lot of guts to do it on your own but if it’s what you want you will find the courage to do it 
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Hi Kim. I’m sure you will go over and it will be painful the first time but it will get easier. I don’t think anyone will be travelling this year 
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Beautiful photo of you both xx
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Kim5 … doesn’t have the same appeal without them eh and can’t go anyway just now eh … give it time especially as he wanted you to continue to enjoy it
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Hi Kim. Thank you. I am so glad he was a selfie guy as I have lots of photos x
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Thank you for your support and lovely messages. It’s so hard for us all, and the pain is dreadful. You feel so lonely and think it’s just you but reading the posts on here there are many of us going through the pain and devastation every day. I’ve been having a really hard week. Found it so difficult. I’ve been arranging Darrens funeral and it’s as though I’m doing it for someone else and not Darren. His funeral is Wednesday and I’m getting so worked up already, had to get something from the Dr because I’m not able to sleep, eat and having panic attacks. I’ve been trying to keep strong for my children and I’ve been hiding how bad it is in front of them. I want them to be ok and not suffer because of me. I’ve read your lovely messages and just hope that this pain and fear will ease a little soon. But at the moment its all consuming. X
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Feel your pain you don’t think it’s your husbands funeral it’s so surreal you do get through it the lockdown does not help I was allowed 6 family members not the send off I wanted for him. Mick told me not to spend thousands on his funeral he got his wish I had no choice but he was the life and soul of every party I will do a celebration of life party for him when I can. X
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I know, we are allowed 10 people and no one now can stand out side because of problems they were having with social distancing. But at least we are able to attend because I’ve seen on the news about people not being able to attend a loved ones funeral and that’s got to be heartbreaking.
A lot of Darrens work mates are going to line the entry to the crematorium to pay their respects. Which is just lovely and unexpected because we are a quite couple/family. We are a very busy couple working, running around after our children and Just trying to make ends meet, had our daughter when were in our 40s and met in our late 30s and both had children aged 8ish at the time. So it’s been none stop. We don’t really go out and socialise because we are just tired. My daughter is 8 now and loves her Daddy to pieces and just breaks my heart to see her because she is a Daddy’s girl. As we all usually are.
I hope we can all find peace in our hearts that have lost our loved ones.
Such difficult times when you are in pain and just need family and friends to help with the pain and rollercoaster of emotions.
Thank you for listening
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We live in a village lived there for 30 years Mick very popular especially at his locals our streets were lined with friends and family with social distancing we stopped at his local outside were loads of friends someone phoned the police friends explained they were ok and appalled Mick as well silly as it sounds it was beautiful. I hope your daughter is coping mine are 24 and 26 at there ages there not good. I hope it goes as well for you all xx
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That’s very thoughtful of his workmates … it was very unreal day for me I couldn’t believe it and coped on auto pilot I think because I didn’t believe it could be true even though we were all there … was glad when it was over … it’s gonna be a tough day but you will get through it … so hard for your young daughter… you both can rely on each other even at her age she will want to support and comfort you too
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I don’t think until something happens you realise how many peoples lives are affected also. I’m just lucky to have spent as much time as I did with him.
At the moment I just want everything and everyone to stop so I can just calm down, just like in those films when everything stops apart from you. X
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This whole lockdown has just merged with my whole the world is not right anymore feelings … strangely it’s not bothered me not seeing family or friends as I don’t want them … it’s not them I’m missing and if I’m on my own can have a good greet as we say here and then go back to whatever I was doing
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That’s how I feel also. Just want Darren here doing what we do. Life will never be the same and feel as though I’ve got a piece of me missing. Even when he was out somewhere I had that feeling , that one of having someone who loves you, but that’s gone now and I don’t like this new feeling.
Hi Yorkie. I was so lucky. Bill’s funeral was 9 days before lockdown. 350 folk turned up it was standing room only and 220 came back for the wake. I had only catered for 150 but it was fine as no one complains if they don’t get a cuppa at a wake. He was lived my everyone and that gave me comfort. I don’t know what I’d have done if I only got 10, it must be so hard for you and my heart goes out to you. I just went into auto pilot and had to get everything done yesterday so family just went along with me. His 2 sons were great. Don’t hide your sadness from the kids. They will be hurting too and you all need to grieve together. Let them see you are hurting and that might encourage them to talk about their hurt too.
It has been the hardest 12wks of my life and I have had sleeping tablets to help too. We will all get there in time and be helped by the many in this group❤️
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We used to laugh and say will you get out of my head at each other saying what the other was thinking … we were just so in tune and happy … I can be thankful that he had such a lust for life and had to try everything… even driving up random roads if he hadn’t been there before and we would be off out every day for lunch somewhere and if it was somewhere new all the better … as if he knew to cram everything in as much as he could … I know you girls have had that closeness too … we will just have to hold them inside with us forever now
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That’s just like us, Darren used to drive down 6 foot tracks in the Yorkshire Dales for fun, he loved it. I used to say that I didn’t think it was a good idea but he was in his element, think he thought he was on his bike! X
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Hi Y & B, Yep Bill too. He abseiled of the Forth Road Bridge and jumped out a plane for charity. He loved to push himself and me and I would never hAve been the places and ticked off so much on our bucket list without him. 3 years ago today we were in the USA on our honeymoon. We had just arrived in Las Vegas where he had be me zip lining above Fremantle St. Our men sound like they all had a lust for life and it has given us lovely memories it’s just heart breaking that their life’s were cut so short and we are left with the biggest hole to fill.
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So true. I’m lost with him. But I’m going to make him proud of us. 
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