So I’m not sure where to start but I’ve lost a lot of people over the years, but the most recent has hit me like a tun of bricks. Since 2006 I’ve lost my parents, my auntie and Nan but all had illnesses so I knew the outcome not that it made it any easier but they weren’t sudden if that makes any sense. Although it took me a very long time to come to terms with their losses, even now I find it hard to talk about them. In 2006 I got married to my first love we met in 2000 when I was 15, unfortunately we ended up divorcing in 2012 but the love and respect we had for each other meant there was never any hate and we stayed the best of friends. Things did become strained when we met new partners mostly because they couldn’t understand our friendship but he had been through some of the hardest times of my life with me, we had a connection no one else could understand. I had my daughter in 2017 and he met her, my relationship with her dad didn’t go as planned but that was ok. I still had my ex husband as my friend. We always said we would be there for each other. He was such a big part of my life for so long I never thought there would be a day he wouldn’t be around. We would jokingly send happy divorce anniversary every year. He remembered when my parents died. It’s our 10th divorce anniversary in a couple of weeks, and he isn’t here anymore. He was sadly killed 7 weeks ago, he got caught up in a car crash there’s currently a police investigation it wasn’t his fault and I pray the guys responsible pay for what they have done! But he had so much left to do, he had so many dreams, he has left a huge hole in everyone’s lives. He was the kindest person I’ve ever known had the most beautiful soul, a friend to many. And I’m honestly so heartbroken. I’ve never known a pain like it. There’s so much more I could say a part of me feels silly for feeling this way, I’m just an ex wife we didn’t have children sadly he never ended up having his own family either, but he was my friend he was very special to me I know I have every right to feel this way, we have so many happy memories together I don’t know where I’m going with this. I’m angry how his life was cut short because of these men, I’m angry it was him and not them, he was only going to work!
I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community - I’d like to thank you for bravely starting this thread and sharing how you are feeling. I’m so sorry to hear about your losses, and more recently the loss of your friend.
It sounds as though you had a very special friendship, and it is not silly at all for you to feel this way. In fact, it’s completely normal to feel a wide range of emotions, from anger and sadness, to regret and guilt. However you feel, remember that there is no right or wrong way to grieve.
Most community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one and so will understand some of what you are going through.
I really hope you find the community helpful and a good source of support and I also hope you feel you can access more support should you need it.
Thank you again for sharing – please do keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.
Take care of yourself,