Too much stress at work since Mum died

Hello Everyone. I am new here. I have read such a lot of brilliant messages and supportive words already.

My Mum died on Jan 20th after a short illness. She had a fall at home, sadly then got hospital acquired pneumonia and died in intensive care with multi organ failure. I was moving house at the time she went into hospital too so it was all very difficult.

The hospital are holding an investigation into the circumstances of her needing to go to intensive care as they think there might have been some omissions contributing to her rapid decline.

Of course I feel terribly guilty for having called the ambulance that day, as she asked me not to despite being on the floor all night.

Then, a week later my brother and I had to make the really difficult decision to put her poor old cat to sleep as she too was sick. She was 18, blind, with renal failure, dental accesses, arthritis and incontinent.

I returned to work two weeks ago on Jan 31st. I felt very pressured to do so because I am a senior in the team and my manager relies on me. Also, she is retiring and the deadline for her job was Jan 31st. I managed to get together an application because the team is going through some tough changes and I wanted to support them. So I carried on for the sake of the interview. However I discovered on Friday that a junior colleague put in an application whilst I was off with the intention of leapfrogging me into the role.

I have honestly had enough. I am angry, then tearful but mostly just numb like my head is full of air or something. I am thinking of getting signed off for a while. What are your thoughts?

The interview was terrible by the way; I got the time wrong and was 6 minutes late which really shows to me where my head is at at the moment.

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Hi Salamander,

Words are cheap but I am truly sorry to read about your mum passing away and empathise as the doctors too said my mum had pneumonia which was affecting her asthma only for her to die four days later of heart and kidney failure. I too called an ambulance for her when she became unwell at home and she asked me ‘what I thought’ about her going to hospital and she trusted me when I said she needed to to get better…something I will never forgive myself for.

As for work I understand your predicament as I went back partly for my own so-called sanity but because also my manager and team needed my support but despite trying my best I’m not the same person I was before my mum died. I try my best but I just don’t care really…nothing to do with having a bad attitude etc but I just can’t stop thinking about missing my mum etc.
Even a bad interview can yield positive outcomes as you may have the experience etc they need for a senior role and there are always opportunistic underlings that will try stab you as they crawl their way up but it’s not personal that’s just them.
However if you feel you need some/more time off speak to your dr as the company won’t appreciate you putting your health at risk and your main priority now is you and taking baby steps towards creating an alternate life for yourself now.
If you feel your team is largely supportive of your situation maybe lean on them just now and take it half a shift at a time.

Hope you can find some peace,

Suzanne x