Too much

Everything has got too much and I’m unsure how to cope moving forward. I have 2 children, 1 is 2 months old and my eldest is 18 months, then I lost my mum in July this year to cancer after caring for her, attending every appointment/scan/operation with her and now I’m certain I must leave my partner of 17 years. I’m bearly able to mother my children whilst trying to cope with the grief of loosing my mum, I still can’t believe it’s really happened and I’ll never see her again. My partner is a drunk. He’s never here to help with the babies and constantly wets himself drunk. Me and my kids are sharing 1 cushion on the sofa as I’ve had to wash the other 4 with their dad soiling them yet again. This is the 4th time this week and its like this every week. I can’t do it anymore! I’m expected to sit In The house all day every day looking after the babies, keep it clean, do all the washing/cooking/cleaning whilst paying all the bills with my maternity pay as he doesn’t even help with money it all goes on him in the pub. I’ve asked him to stop or leave and he refuses to do either so I must go with the kids, thing is I can’t afford rent on another property as it would be atleast £200 more than I pay now so don’t know how I’ll manage. He acts like he’s doing nothing wrong and it’s all fine and normal but it’s far from it. I can’t carry on living like this but at the same time don’t know how to move forward.


Dear @butterfly

I just wanted to reply and tell you how sorry I am for the situation you are in at home. Firstly, are you seeing any health care professional as follow up to the birth and progress of your 2 month old baby? If so, you could tell them how you’re living and ask for advice. Your GP ought to be able to help too. Alternatively Is there a local Womens Aid group that you could talk to? Social Services? If you feel you and your babies are in any danger though, please do not hesitate to contact the Police. The thing is, even if you are not in any physical danger, it is obviously not right that you should be paying all the bills yourself.

There’s more contact information and advice on these national websites:

I’m so sorry for the loss of your mum, you must be missing her so much. It sounds as though you’ve spent a long time entirely focusing on your mum, and now you have the time and space to look at your own situation and realise that you want to do something about it.

Please do talk to someone if you can, I don’t know quite who, and guess a lot depends upon the circumstances of your situation, but the above are just some suggestions that might lead you on to find some help. If it were me, I think I might just start with my doctor, even the surgery reception might have some helpline numbers. The fact that you have very young children makes me feel sure that your health care providers will be very concerned. Hope this might help.

Take care xx

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