Torn in my feelings

Looking to the future
1

Hi,

I just don’t even know where to start because this is not easy to explain.

I had a bit of an affair with someone back in 2013 and we both had a lot going on our lives. I just latched on to him for comfort and then when it ended he did me so wrong.
Then got a phone call telling he got killed and I just don’t know why I feel so down. A friend of mine said it’s because I was intimate with him but it’s more than that.

I feel upset because of what has happened to him and I also remember before things got complicated between us how he was. He was a character I tell u that.

But I feel like angry because I never got to ask him so many things.Why did he lie about us put everything on me.I can’t ask him now all these things but even if I did think it might of made me feel still sad.

I just feel mixed feelings and don’t think the person who told me understands how it’s affected me really deep down. I have a wonderful boyfriend at the moment and I will go on and be happy but this has thrown me. I never been with guy and then hear that he died. Weather we were not talking or not I just feel bad inside.

I will probably have to let those questions go now. To be killed like that has made me feel sick. He was buried yesterday and I am broken.

Anyone felt like this?

3

Shelia,

I just very sad he passed away but at the same time feel angry with him. It don’t help that certain people are realizing how much this has affected me. I didn’t think I would feel like that.
He and I was not a serious thing yet I feel so low about this. I never known any guy in my life to have passed away. Even if we were okay with each other for me it’s like so weird too.

I have a really bad nightmare the other week where it was my boyfriend who got killed but it was a mix between him and my boyfriend of what happened in the dream. It was awful woke up so upset and feel so scared something will happen to my boyfriend too.

Just trying to keep myself level not go crazy.

5

I am not young in my 30s and I totally get what you are saying.

I guess I best let it go how I feel or try too.

thanks for your advice

7

I feel much better today. Thanks for advice