Torture in my mind

Today I’ve woken up feeling worse than ever don’t know weather I’m coming or going my minds all over the place was cleaning my draws out and found cards that my husband had sent me for birthday and Mother’s Day it’s just broke me in two wishing he was still here with me I can’t bear this pain anymore guys it’s killing me inside and I’m fed up of pretending I’m ok when I’m really not fed up with people telling me time heals I know they mean well but it will never be easy for me I’m a different woman now my heart and soul are broken thanks for listening guys love to you all xxxx


Hello @Sonya24,

I’m so sorry to hear about your husband. It sounds like today is a particularly bad day for you, so I am really glad that you have reached out for support here.

We know that a lot of people experience thoughts of not wanting to be here anymore when they are grieving. The pain can feel so overwhelming. We have a video about it here which you might find helpful:

There is lots of other support out there, and I would really encourage you to reach out and speak to someone about how you are feeling.

  • If these thoughts of not being able to bear it anymore become overwhelming, please call 999 or contact your GP for an emergency appointment immediately.
  • Samaritans are available 24/7 to talk about anything that you are worried about in confidence. You can call them on 116 123.
  • Shout are contactable by text, 24/7. You can text REMEDY to 85258 and talk to them about anything.

Sue Ryder offers an online bereavement counselling service. This is a free service and sessions are held via video chat so you can attend from home. There’s more information about this service here:

You can also make an appointment with your GP and ask to be referred to counselling or other support services in your area.

You deserve care and support so please, @Sonya24, get in touch with one of these services.

Take care,



Hi @Sonya24
Sorry you’re having such a difficult time. It is incredibly hard and the missing them is the most difficult part. It’s 4½ months for me and I miss him more as the time goes on because it’s longer without him.

I feel for you, I really do. Just accept the bad days and keep taking small steps.


I am so so sorry but you are not on your own reading every ones message will give you support I lost my wife on valentines day only 4 months ago.
I beleive i am now living in hell I cry unconditionally i feel im worthless and would rather be dead myself .
But and there is a but my partner Jane was my soul mate lover freind and partner me and her against the world .
Your partner would not want to see you sad I am strong from jane i recite things that she said to me Life is what is so true .
Build a bridge and deal with it dont get me wrong its hard building that bridge on your own .
Your partner is still with you in spirit and jane gives me the strength to carry on so do it for your partner .


People just dont wanna know ! That’s the truth ! They don’t care our hearts are broken because it hasnt affected them ! Im staying away from people becsuse ive had enough of them ! I can only deal with this my own way ! And i will NOT pretend im ok when im clearly not !!!

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Ha … youre stronger than i am … i cant be bothered playing silly games with people anymore ! Im at lowest point in my life and im not pretending otherwise x


Thank you for listening i was referred by my gp to cruise but when I called them I was told they wasn’t taking anymore patients atm doctor gave me antidepressants for my moods and zopiclone to help me sleep but my mood is still really low and trying to get an appointment with the doctor just makes my blood boil you can never get one and are told to call bk the next day at 8am and then told there at capacity when I did get a call bk a few weeks bk now it was my husband doctor I told him about my low mood and that I couldn’t sleep he then asked me why I said I’ve been like this since everything with my husband and then was shocked when he said why what’s happened to him he was my husbands doctor for 14 years unbelievable I miss him so much just want him bk and I know that can’t happen I don’t want a life without him I thought we’d get old together now nothing matters now xxxx


We’ve sent you an email and PM, @Sonya24 :blue_heart:

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