I lost my daughter to suicide aged 29. This has magnified irrepairable damage between my ex husband and I (her father). To this end we cannot be invited to family celebrations together due to the “toxic environment”. My long term partner says he “hates” my deceased daughter and I cannot forgive this abhorrence. We are in a loveless relationship but we are both trapped. I feel I have lost everything, I am so isolated and myself wish I were not here. I have an extremely dysfunctional birth family and do not see them. This suicide has destroyed everything I held dear.
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I’m so sorry for the unbearable pain you’re going through. Losing your daughter in such a tragic way is something no one should ever have to endure, and it’s completely understandable that you feel isolated and overwhelmed by the aftermath. The loss of a child creates a ripple effect that touches every part of life, including relationships, and it’s heartbreaking to hear how it has further strained your connections with others.
The pain you feel is valid, and I want to remind you that you are not alone, even though it might feel that way right now. It’s okay to grieve not just for your daughter, but for the relationships and stability you’ve lost in the wake of her passing. It’s also okay to feel conflicted and angry about the way others in your life are responding to your grief. Your partner’s words are deeply hurtful, and you deserve compassion and understanding, especially now.
Please know that there are people and resources that can help. Talking to a grief counselor or joining a support group for parents who have lost children to suicide could provide a safe space where you can share your pain and connect with others who truly understand. You don’t have to carry this all on your own.
Even though it might feel impossible right now, you are still here, and that means there is hope for moments of peace and even joy in the future. Take things one small step at a time, and please be gentle with yourself. You’ve been through more than anyone should have to bear, and you are worthy of care, kindness, and support. If you ever feel like the weight is too much, reaching out to a crisis hotline could be a lifeline in those moments.
You are stronger than you feel right now, and even though it may seem unimaginable, healing—bit by bit—is possible. Please don’t hesitate to lean on others who can help you carry this burden. You are not alone, and you are deeply valued.
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I am so sorry for everything that has happened to you and is happening now, but most of all for the tragic death of your child. Your situation seems desperate as your home is not a good place to be. I am so sorry. Your ex is grieving too, I hope you will be able to consider each other’s pain and grieve together rather than causing more pain. Your partner - I don’t know about that one. Mean thing to say, even if he feels anger about the suicide and the damage it has caused.
Hour by hour. Step by step. I agree with everything sweet Kalaila wrote.
May peace be with you.
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Thank you both for your kind comments.
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