On Wednesday my husband suddenly and unexpectedly passed away. I was with him, but initially I thought he had passed out. It was only seconds before I reached him, and I immediately realised it was more than passing out. Our lodger and I were doing CPR until the ambulance crew arrived. They tried for nearly an hour before they had to stop.
Our daughters have been amazing (we have 3), but I can’t tell them of the horror I felt when I got to him. I knew he had gone, but yelled at him to wake up whilst bashing on the bedroom wall to get the lodgers attention.
I can’t get that image out of my mind. I’m getting very little sleep, and each time I do nod off, even if it’s just for 10 minutes, his lifeless eyes are the first thing I see when I wake up, so although I desperately need the sleep, I’m also avoiding it at the same time.
I can’t believe that the man I love, my rock has gone, and so suddenly. My life can never be the same again.
Dear @CaroM, I am so very sorry for your loss, and the pain and anguish you are suffering at your husband’s sudden passing. I went through something similar… My beloved husband of 36 years collapsed in front of me from a sudden heart attack in April. He was my life… we were inseparable. I was alone with him and had to perform CPR which I had never had to do before and didn’t know if I was even doing it right. I’ve never been so terrified in my life. When the paramedics arrived, he was still alive but passed away shortly afterwards. Like you, I have had those images on replay in my head ever since.
There are not much words of comfort I can give you, other than to just know there are others who understand your pain. I would say that over the last few weeks , those images are maybe slightly lessening. Another poster on this forum suggested thinking of a photo taken in happier times when you get these flashbacks and I really do think that helps to switch your mind away.
All you can do is get through an hour at a time, and you will, even though it doesn’t feel like it just now. I just wanted to die along with my husband, but here I am, over 7 months later, still getting through… You will too.
I will try to think of a happier picture, I hadn’t thought of doing that. Thank you, and I’m sorry for your loss.
Kev was instant, and we don’t yet know why. I think knowing what happened will go a very small way to helping us to come to terms with this awful tragedy x
I know exactly what you are going through this happened to me with my wife i knew immediately that she had died i also done cpr that was 2 years ago i promise that image will fade
I’m so sorry that you have lost your husband. You are still very early early days. I lost my husband suddenly and unexpectedly nearly 23 months ago. He collapsed in front of my son who was 22, and died 20 minutes later. I got home before the ambulance and started CPR. I also have images in my head but not as much as the early days. I had trauma therapy which has helped as was diagnosed with PTSD.
Take one minute at a time and keep reaching out… your not alone. Big hugs @CaroM Xx
My circumstances were different as my husband became ill and past away over 24 hours. It was like watching a car crash in slow motion. That whole day replayed itself round and round my mind. I couldn’t remember the timing of everything and went through my messages and ring doorbell and googled everything to try and understand what had happened and if I or the doctors did anything wrong or could have done better. Every time I woke in the night all the questions kept popping up and his final moments were burned in my mind. But after a few weeks it seemed to settle and I felt that I was no longer fighting what had happened and accepted that nothing was going to bring him back. It’s now been 2 months. I still think of that day, still see him take his final breath, still cry, but not all the time. I now think more often of other memories, better times. For some reason I focus on our early days, when we were young with our whole future ahead. We had a good life, I have to realise how lucky I was and to be grateful for the time we did have, and not the future we lost. Easier said then done, but I am trying.