Totally lost

My husband passed away in November last year we literally got 4 weeks from the date he was told he was terminal with lung Cancer. I nursed him at home till two days before he passed when I had to take him to the hospice I was with him right to the end and seeing him pass with tears in his eyes still gets to me we hated going any where without each other and he knew where he was going I wasn’t. I tried to go back to work but my manager was not very supportive so I had to go off sick and find another job and relocate to be near family. I feel I am just going through the motions now living a life I don’t want. I just want him back no one sees me when I cry every day as I drive to work or when I lie in bed at night and cry myself to sleep I just cant see a way forward. Everyone thinks I am doing great but I am really not I just hide it as I don’t want them to worry. My Husband was my best friend and soul mate he was only 68 I feel robbed


I really do understand your pain. I’m so sorry for your loss. The sadness and loneliness I find is the hardest to deal with. Keep posting as everyone on the site understands how you feel. X


Thankyou. I just feel I am on autopilot going through the motions not seeing any future cant wait till my time comes I am not suicidal as I couldn’t do that to my family but just hope I don’t have to many years to live like this. I keep getting told it gets easier but I find its getting harder


Hi. I feel the same , a year since my life ended .I’m just existing. And it gets harder every day.xtake carex


Hi Rena21
For us it was seven weeks and yet we’d been promised a year. I’m so sorry you had to see your husband pass away with tears in his eyes, my heart goes out to you. My memory is of Ian holding his head and crying that he didn’t want to die. We’d just got back from the hospital after receiving his terminal diagnosis. That was the only time he broke down and yet 15 months later, the memory is as vivid as if it happened today.
As you say, nobody ever sees the tears that we shed in private ……….

Look after yourself,

Julie x