Hi thank you for taking the time to read my post and reply.
No I have not looked at counselling or any other groups, don’t know what drew me to this group but here I am lol.
I have a very good friend who lives an hour or so away so I see her every couple of weeks. She has been helpful with the garden and other jobs I was beginning to be overwhelmed with.
I have a daughter close by who has recently given me a beautiful grand-daughter, so she is busy. We text everyday. I thought I was doing so well but the last couple of days have been really bad. Everyone thinks I am a strong woman but behind my closed front door I am a mess.
I do understand! Only people living alone can understand what it means to enter the empty house that is comforting and torturing at the same time. I’m very sorry for everyone who is all alone as well as me… I miss my most beloved husband more each day… I wait for a miracle to be with him soon again… Janka
Hi Sally I am sorry to hear you are suffering. We are all different in our grief, most people find the first two or three months the most painful but others talk about being being numb at the beginning and then it hits them later. My wife died over seven months ago and still find it difficult to get used to the emptiness when life was full of activity, fun and a profound love to be reduced to silence is terrible. I hope you find as I have that this site brings you some solace. Wishing you all the best and sending hugs
Hi and sorry for your loss, I lost my partner ten and a half months ago and still struggle . I really hate living alone and not being part of a couple anymore. Even going out for lunch with family or friends you’re coming back to an empty house. Some days are really dark, today I’m a little better having spent some time working in the garden. I’ve had some difficult and sad times during my life but this is definitely the hardest. Grief is soul destroying, it strips you of your personality and robbs you of any happiness you once had. Nothing will ever be the same. I’ve found that posting and reading other people’s posts to be cathartic. It makes me feel less alone knowing my feelings are validated. Take care.
It is comforting realising i am not alone. I have a daughter close by with my baby granddaughter but don’t like to bother her with my grief. What is hard is at first I received lots of calls and messages but now I only have 1 friend who checks in daily, everyone else seems to have dropped away, assuming I suppose I am ok.
This loss is so different to others I have suffered. When parents and grandparents died I had my siblings and other close family around me this time I am alone, we didn’t have children together and so I have found it very hard. They say time is a healer so this happens. I think it’s the first special events that will be hard, anniversaries, birthday Christmas etc.
@Sally1964 I can only agree with everything you have said here. The unpredictabilityof when that wave of grief hits is hard! I’m glad you’ve found this community. It’s so helpful having people with the shared experience. Sending love.
Hi @Sally1964
I agree with you losing your sole mate is completely different to any other grief you might have had for other family members.
Unfortunately until you experience it you don’t really understand.
All the firsts of anything are really hard ,friends disappear. And the weekends are so hard to get through.
That is not a valid statement for everyone. Just look at the child / (grand)parent and other categories. It depends on the level of closeness you had with that person.
I’ve lost both parents, I was very close to them too. But losing my husband has been on another level completely. I’m scared, lonely and distraught at his loss. He was my everything, together for 33 years and now just gone.
My husband knew me a thousand times more than my parents ever did.
Yes I know. It wasn’t so much about myself (I lost a parent in this case, as my first real devastating loss, others were distant uncles, grandparents which was hard but we hadn’t been that close) and came on this website then. Since then I’m reading here a lot and talking a lot to all kinds of people, and the conclusion is what I said above. It can be literally anyone, even a friend or a stepparent or a neighbour. Key element seems to be the level of closeness with the deceased.
I thought it was me, my partner and I were only together for 17 years having both been married before and in that time we lost: his dad, his younger sister, my gran, my stepdaughter, my mum and an aunt. All of which were hard but the loss at the end of May of my partner as you say is another level. He knew me so well and being in our 60’s thought we had many years to grow old together. Now the realisation of growing old alone is setting in.
This group is great to show me that there are others out there too. Thank you for uour reply it is much appreciated.
Agree, my husband knew me, as I knew him. I have no one now who knows me. It’s a different relationship than parents. Grief of any sort is painful,but it’s different.
Hi. I would agree it’s hard to lose anyone you love dearly. I lost my dad when I was 16 and my mum 23 years ago. I had my partner’s and other family support when my mum died. Losing my partner of 40 years has just been right off the scale for me. My mum had terminal cancer and was suffering, my partner died suddenly.
Yes, the way they passed also seems to play a role. If it was sudden it seems harder to accept, if they suffered before you wish them relief. In my case sudden (no one recognised the illness, which makes me feel guilty) but peaceful (which in turn is what you wish for your loved one).
Hi @daughter7
Bereavement of any kind is painful, I have lost many family members. Parents. Sister nephew, niece. 2 brother in laws .
At the time all hard and difficult to get through. Each time I had my husband to support me . Since losing my husband last year I have realised the grief you have for your spouse is on another level.
Sadly none of understands till it happens to them . Myself included.
“Sadly no one understands until it happens to them" may be valid for you, but not for everyone. Again, from what I have witnessed it does depend on the level of closeness with that person, whichever person. I know people who said they grieve more about their parents than partners, and apparently others like you.
Yes, I would try to analyse it like this… The people here who grieve all had close relationships with their loved ones. You can read the same sadness in every category. Now you have sadly already experienced various losses, and I totally find it normal to maybe find one harder than the other, nothing to feel bad about. In general life I would say, the ones that have good relationships with their partners of course miss them terribly, and that’s how it should be when you have a partner. With parents I guess it depends on the quality of the relationship, and also maybe the physical distance in some way. I didn’t know before that some people always lived with their parents, they were their life. I didn’t, but I noticed caring for them in old age brings back a level of attachment, even though you know the course of life is that they pass away before their children. Something you wouldn’t expect for a partner. Sad everthing.
this happens. I think it’s the first special events that will be hard, anniversaries, birthday Christmas etc.
xx