My husband of nearly 27 years died on the 17th June. He had cancer and died at home, according to his wishes, with me by his side. I’m heartbroken, as we all are on here. I went back to work on a phased return last week and it’s been going ok. I’m fortunate to have good support there. I felt like I’ve been having quite a good week - yes, I’ve still cried every day but things felt a little easier. I went to an employment law seminar today for work. On 3 separate occasions there were discussions on bereavement leave. It was a relatively small group. I managed to get through it - only my colleague knew my circunstances, and even went back to work for a while after but couldn’t concentrate. On the bus home I felt exhausted and overwhelmed and as soon as I got in my front door, I was hit with the biggest wave of grief I’ve had for a while. It all felt so real and I just so wanted to talk to Bob about my day and for him to tell me to have a lie down if I was tired. For the first time since he died, I did decide to go to bed and slept for a couple of hours. I suppose I just wanted to share how unpredictable these waves of grief are and how they hit when you think you’re doing ‘OK’. 
Hi Tray, so sorry for your loss, you’re brave going back to work so soon, but maybe the distraction helps..i lost my husband of 35 years in March, and I get those waves of intense emotions, sometimes just unexpected. I hate it , it renders me quite useless, i hafta make myself calm down..take care of yourself and God bless you 
@Lightmary68 Lightmary68 Thanks so much. It’s hard isn’t it! I’m only doing part time right now. I’m thankful that they’re so supportive and will understand if there’s times I can’t manage. Thinking of you too x
Hi, Tray, thats great to hear about your employer, I don’t think there’s many that would be so considerate of our situation..Take care, ill be thinking of you too and praying for you
Dear Tray I’m sorry you are having a bad time. My wife died on Christmas day after two years of cancer treatments. You have started working quickly which can help but I think even when we stay active the waves of grief still hit.
Wishing you all the best Tom
@Brandon1 HI Tom. I’m so sorry to hear about your wife. Cancer is horrible. It was around 2 years for Bob too, though he had already beaten bladder cancer back in 2021 before being diagnosed with lung cancer in 2024. I had around 5 weeks off work. I didn’t really want to go back yet but I knew it would be hard whenever I went back. I’m definitely not ready for full time yet.
Thinking of you! Tracey
Dear Tracey it is still so recent for you, it’s a good idea to go slowly as far as work is concerned. When my wife died I started doing things for my neighbours to keep busy and I would spend a lot of time walking the dogs. Exercise was and is the best thing for me when ever I feel down I go off for another walk or do some exercise. I’m glad to hear you have friends and family supporting you, it can be very lonely even with people around as it’s not the same as having a special person who held you so tight with such love. Wishing you all the strength you will need
Tom
Morning @Tray2
I am sorry for your loss
My husband nearly 11 months ago soon will be hitting the 12 month mark .
It’s strange on one hand it’s feels like yesterday and in other ways a long time .
My husband died suddenly of a cardiac arrest. So many plans went the day he died.
I am glad your work has been understanding. And you have caring colleagues at work.
Look after yourself
Hi and sorry for your loss.. I’m retired so I didn’t have to cope with work after my partner died suddenly.. He’s been gone for 10 months now, we were together for 40 years. You’re still very early on in your grief so don’t expect too much of yourself. At ten months in I still struggle. I miss having someone to confide in, and just having his presence in the house.
I find that grief comes in waves, it’s always there in the background but then it gets triggered by music, songs, events or just passing through places we pwere together. It’s as if you never get any respite because it’s waiting for you round the corner again. It’s good that you have a supportive employer. Do you have friends and family you can talk to and tell them how you’re feeling? Wishing you peace and take care.
@Sherbet10 Sherbet10Thank you, and for sharing your story too. I’m sorry that you’re going through this 
@Norma1 Thank you so much for your reply. 10 months isn’t long in the scheme of things is it. I agree about triggers such as music, though I also love listening to the 100s of songs he had on his phone, as he loved his music and I’ve spent thr last 27 years listening to his tunes on car journeys. Thinking of you too and grateful to have found this place to share experiences x
Thank you 
Thank you @Tray2
I find the weekends really hard especially Sundays . So today I have been out for a long walk with my dog . Called at a dog friendly cafe. I find exercise. and getting out in nature really helps. I hope you will find something to help you cope .
Look after yourself .
Hi, I too struggle more at weekends and especially Sundays. I couldn’t sleep until very late, then didn’t wake until 9.30 today. I’ve sat about, then thought of trying to go out but don’t know where to. A large park I can drive to has Sunday music on, free, people can sit under trees and watch. I went a bit back but felt very uncomfortable and lonely. Totally lost on my own. There were couples and families enjoying the Sunday. It’s very hot here, south. Was 28 before midday. Thought about just having a drive but seems pointless. Used to love Sundays, would have been relaxing in a shady part of garden, with the radio and a drink, just chatting. It’s so lonely now. My neighbours have visitors or have gone out to family for lunch. Sundays are hard.
Hi @Katherine20
It is hard being on our own after being a couple for so long . And Sundays are hard as everything is geared up to families and couples. I find it hard when I see older couples together. As it is a reminder of what I have lost and feel robbed.
I hope you can find something to help bring you some peace.
Look after your self
I absolutely agree about weekends. I’ve had a busy weekend but I think being sociable for extended periods really took its toll and I had the worst afternoon I’ve had in a while (emotionally). Exercise and fresh air are great! You take care too
Aw @Katherine20 
. Everything changes so much doesn’t it. I was on a bus going to work last week and saw a couple who live near me sat opposite me. I immediately thought of all the the times we sat on the bus going to hospital appointments and sat with tears pouring down my face. Maybe you could try going there again before the end of the summer. Do you have anyone who could go with you? Sending love.
Hi this is my first post only just found the community tonight. I lost my partner at the end of May. I thought I was doing well, sorted all the usual stuff when someone dies, all his personal affects distributed as he wished etc. I am finding now that I am crying more and at random times 
. The weekends are the hardest as I work part time as I did before he died during the week. I have a dog which we still go for walks but coming home to an empty house is difficult. No one to talk to about our walk or what to have for dinner. Even shopping for groceries is hard not picking up his favourite biscuits etc and shopping for 1. Sorry rambling on here. Just feel abit lost I suppose. Never lived on my own either. Grief is hard. Take care everyone x
Hello Sally1964, so sorry for your loss..i lost my husband in March,..sorry for what you are going through, its sad to say but what you are going through is normal, the loneliness, the emptiness. ..I was married for 35 years, so having to live without my husband has been the saddest times of my life,..i hope you have support around you, we all need someone close, have you attended any support groups or counseling? …please take care of yourself and God bless you.
Hi @Sally1964
I am sorry for your loss , I lost my husband suddenly cardiac arrest nearly 11 months ago . We had been married for 36 year s
To find yourself on your own after all those years together is hard . I also have a dog who has helped me get through some of my darkest days . As well as the people on here .
Every one here has lost a love one and we all understand. Look after yourself
Sending you hugs
