Tough day

It has been 83 days since my husband died. I am waiting to go and pick up his ashes today. How the hell do I get through this


Dear MrsP2

This certainly is a tough day, you really have my sympathies. Its enough that we lose our husbands/partners, but the practical side of death, funeral directors, banks, paperwork and registering, all crowds in on the bereaved; so collecting your dear husband’s ashes today is a big task. Have you anyone going with you?

Sometimes people feel comforted to have the ashes in their possession; I’ve been told by many how they talk to them everyday and find comfort doing so. Not everyone feels that way of course.

I hope you have some kind and good people around you to be supportive and caring. It’s not long since you lost your husband, so please take care, and do keep messaging here. The community is filled with kind people who are going through what you are currently dealing with.



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Thank you for your kind words. I went alone to bring him home. The lady was so kind and let cry. She even offered to carry him out to the car.

I think it will be a comfort to me now he is back with me. He only wanted one thing and that we all go together 1 cat, 2 dogs & the 2 of us.

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It will be a comfort to you, and the only way we all get through it is by taking one little step at a time, one hour at a time sometimes.
Your pets will help you too.
Look after yourself, grief is a rollercoaster but unfortunately so many people truly understand how you’re feeling.
Take care xx


Thank you for the kind words. The dogs are my world as they were his. x

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My husband was the same just wanted to come with me and his rescue greyhound lv annie x x

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Dear MrsP2

I was so pleased to see others have reached out to you here and hope it has shown you how kind and understanding people are here.

Keep writing.

Miche 24

Oh @MrsP2, another one here who understands how hard it is.

I think the day my dear husband’s ashes came home was one of the saddest days of my life.

I wept buckets over them but, as Miche 24 says, I have grown used to having them around now and find they do give me some comfort in a bizarre way.

They are still sitting on the armchair where I put him, the day he came home and I do talk to them, pat the box and say goodnight to them every night.

I have a few “mini urns” with a small amount of his ashes in, dotted around discretely, in various rooms in the house and I sometimes take him to the shops with me, in my pocket - he fits perfectly!

90 odd days here, since he died, so still relatively early days on this difficult road, but my philosophy is do whatever you feel helps get you through each day providing it’s not harmful to yourself or others.

Sorry for your loss.


It is certainly a tough thing to do but you will get through it. It’s amazing how deep we have to dig to get the strength to do these things but somehow we do.
I know some people get comfort from having the ashes in the house but personally I didn’t. I put them away and we carried out his wishes a few weeks ago by scattering them at the Lake District. I feel he is laid to rest properly now.
Everyone is different do what is right for you.
Take care xx