Hi Everyone,
I’m normally able to laugh and find a positive in everyday life even when it’s tough times, but since losing both my parents (Mum 3 years ago, Dad last month, and my sister, a while longer ago) I am finding people simply do not want to allow me to grieve.
I’m told to “Be strong” and “Be positive” and generally friends and colleagues want to ignore any references to the difficulties I am going through. I feel extremely lonely and just need some space to express my feelings. I can’t help feeling this culture of positive thinking has gone too far. Negative/difficult emotions are part of human nature and we need to be able to express how we feel honestly without being told to “be positive”. So glad to have found this forum it really helps seeing people expressing their true feelings in a non judgemental environment.
@Helen054 The words be strong and be positive have little meaning in relation to how we express grief. They are generally taken to mean stop whinging and get on with it. That is not the real world. I think it is stronger being able to express your grief in your own way and accepting that the grief is there is positive. I lost my wife of 47 years in October and some days, like today, I can feel overwhelmed for no apparent reason. I give myself time outs in my private space to express this grief with tears, shouting, talking to my wife even laughing with her at the stupid things we did, whatever is with my emotions at the time. That is the strength of expressing grief and the positive steps toward dealing with it. Ignore others who have no experience of grief. Believe me, when their time comes they will know it. Love and support xx
@Mike75 . I think you have summed it up perfectly, accepting our grief, having the odd meltdown is positive in that it helps us to work through it all. The opposite of positive isnt ignoring it, nor is it avoidance.
For me, being positive is that I really try to think that my future will be better than the first few weeks and months of my grief, and it is.
I would agree with Helen, that for other people to not fully appreciate what we go through, isnt at all helpful. Ive been extremely fortunate that nearly all my family and friends have only wanted to hug me and listen to my thoughts and feelings. Ive not once been told “what you need to do is…” . Im very lucky.
The helpful positivity comes from within us.