We have just lost our son Charley aged 27 , he had an accident, he was hit by a falling branch and died 4 days later. We are devastated.
Oh my gosh. I am so so sorry. We just don’t know what will happen from day to day. I am so glad you came to this wonderful site. There are many here who can and will talk to you so please come back. Words fail me. At times like this one feels so helpless in the face of such grief. Take care and try to take it a day at a time. Useless information, but at the moment there is no consolation I can offer. Bless you.
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What a nightmare for you, I don’t have children so I can’t begin to imagine your pain.
Take time to grieve for your lovely son, I imagine you are still in a state of shock and disbelief at what has happened.
My partner died suddenly and unexpectedly and I still can’t believe it’s true after 16 months. I know it is true , I’m not in denial but how could this have happened? it’s surreal.
I wish you well in the weeks ahead and hope you find some support and comfort on this site. Sadie
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So so sorry you have lost your precious son. It is a dreadful loss and in these early days you will be in shock. There are many of us here that have lost our children and of course nothing prepares us for such a loss so it really helps to be in contact with others that truly know how you feel.
Do you have support at home?
Please do keep posting and reading.
Sending you hugs xx
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Thank you for those kind replies , I am reeling from the shock and although I believe I have accepted what has happened I am also in a state of disbelief ,and expecting he will walk through the door at any moment. Charley had been living at home . He had been saving for a deposit to buy a house, and had started looking, he was a fully qualified and experienced Forrester and a very good rugby player ,he had a lovely girlfriend and I do not believe he has ever been happier on the day that he died. The day before he died he had stayed at his girlfriends house because it was her birthday, I saw him in the morning before his accident I didn’t get up to give him a hug but I just told him to have a good time and that I would see him the next day. Charley had his accident on my birthday the 23rd of May ,we were on our way for a day out ,my husband and we got a phone call from the police telling us that Charley had had an accident and was being airlifted to James Cook. It was never going to be a good outcome even if Charley had survived I doubt very much that it would’ve been the Charley that we knew. Charley had a wonderful life and I have very few regrets.
We have two other children Rosey who lives away and Ben still at home, my husband is very supportive. Before the accident I’d been struggling with anxiety, depression and weight issues, I’m trying to seek help for all of those at the same time as trying to support all of us particularly my daughter who also has mental health issues.
Yesterday I was the worst so far, I could barely function but the day before I’d been absolutely fine. I’m back at work on Wednesday which is probably the best thing but we’ll see.
I’m sad for you too, I feel for Charley’s girlfriend, to lose a partner must be another layer of sorrow altogether, it must be awful. I have been lucky up to now in my life, getting to 54.364 days without any major bereavement. I guess when you love someone that much the reverse grief matches, there’s no wonder we feel so sad. We are not alone xx
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Don’t feel you have to rush into things. Have a rest but don’t spend long alone.
Going back to work has the benefit of people around you. On the other hand it O found it gave me no time to prepare for an unexpected funeral. Which is a priority now that you give him a goodbye a nice send off. It’s not what that costs it’s something you can make simpler and personal.
I went straight back to work when my husband died it was needed financially but grieving is tiring it puts strain on your body which you say you already struggle with. Take annual leave.
My best advice.
Just to add. His girlfriend is in need of support her loss is terrible too. She will be very broken. You could all spend time on this. The world will catch up later. Work will catch up it’s one of those things where we need money and we need to be with people but depending on your job and the people you work with who often expect far too much you may find times of work tearful difficult and just add to your situation. Yes you need to go to work but it will take months before you get that feeling he isn’t coming home any moment you will come home and he isn’t there …that takes long to adapt for me it’s taking me 5 months to accept I’ll never see my husband. I wish i could have got more time off from work as housework and chores take longer when you are pre occupied. There are things that can wait. Other things need doing now like finding something of his you want to keep and some thing also for his girlfriend. Frames for photos where the best place to put them is. All those little things
I’m so very sorry to hear of the loss of your son. I lost my daughter on December 18th last year - she was 29 and had an aggressive rare cancer. There are no words of comfort when you lose a child but it does help a little to know you are not alone. This site helped me and also The compassionate friends - have you tried contacting them? They may have z group near you that could help. It’s very esrly days - people tell me that all of the time 7 months on - and it’s true of course. One day at a time is my mantra and i try to remember the rest of my family and everyone else who is grieving for my lovely Em as grief can be so isolating. Sending you love and strength. Take care xx
I know what you’re going through and I’m so sorry. My son died 2 years ago when he was 23. Jamie had just graduated and was working as a tour guide in Scotland. He was in Orkney with a group and was on a cliff edge trying to take a picture of a puffin. He lost his footing, hit his head and fell into the sea. He died immediately and, so I hope, didn’t suffer. The RNLI was called out to rescue his body. There was an inquest into his death a year later which was very hard for us all to go through.
We are devastated. My husband and I split a year before Jamie died, but we pulled together- it was the natural thing to do. Because no one else knows your pain. My dad died a month after Jamie and I didn’t know who to cry for. I didn’t start grieving for my dad until a year later when we scattered his ashes. I just broke down.
I took 6 months off work when Jamie died. My feelings of grief, anger, disbelief and complete and utter sadness haven’t gone away. There is such a huge emptiness. Jamie was a charming, good looking, outgoing and adventurous boy. No one is better than your own children. And I still keep asking why. Why him? The best of us all. It’s not fair and there’s nothing I can do about it.
It’s been such a hard, long exhausting road. I worry about my other 2 children. My youngest son is now 16 and has been so quiet about his brother. But we talk about Jamie and my youngest is slowly contributing to our ‘chats’. He has even given me support through a simple hug. He also looks so much like him… It tugs my heart so much. My daughter delayed going back to college for 2 years - she is now going back this September. She wasn’t coping with losing her big brother You find you take on everyone’s grief - his closest friends and his beautiful girlfriend too. It’s so very hard.
When I went back to work I had lost my confidence and enthusiasm. I asked for a lighter workload and have had so many days off - but my bosses have been very supportive and I’m not sure I would have survived without that support. You also have to deal with other people’s sympathies at work - I was so scared going back. It just took a ‘how are you’ comment or a look of sympathy to set me back. One minute I am fine and the next I’m a mess. It just takes a simple memory of my lovely son.
At one point I lost the will to live and my sister eventually forced me to see my doctor. I’ve been on antidepressants for a year and a half now. I went to councilling too which was fine up to a point. But you need to talk to people who knew him - friends and family. Sharing memories. It helps a bit.
We are in a slightly better place now. But the pain doesn’t go away. You still feel the same as you did when you lost him on that first day. I would do anything to have him back, I just want him back. I just don’t have as many breakdowns as I used to. But they still have the same force.
I hope you are doing ok at work. Everyone deals with things in different ways. And you should try to take some more time off - you need time to deal with your own emotions. I sometimes just want to crawl into a corner, be alone and cry.
Take care of yourself (although I’m still not sure what that means).
My thoughts are with you.
Lots of love. X
It’s awful, beyond imagination for anyone else, we are in a select club where we have to stay for ever. Sure I’m living too but I’m not the same and my happiness is limited not unbounded as it used to be, sending you love and empathy and understanding xxx
I lost my youngest son in July 2018 in a horrendous freak accident. I’ve had amazing support from work and friends - but with time this fades. People forget or the impact fades which is to be expected.
He was 33 - not that young - bit had harder life than most and had overcomr so many adversities. He had an amazing future ahead of him. Then fell off his mountain bike and hit a tree on a route that he and his brother took every weekend for 15 years.
I was woken up by the police at 2am with his soulmate brother with the news he had died within 30 minutes of the accident. The paramedics couldn’t even get to him in time, and his brother held while he died.
I try every day
I try hard to keep going because his brother was my first born and only 2 years older. They loved each other so much. Burt I am really struggling
This is affevcting my whole life. I never thought I would have to carry on without John. It is hurting an every level
I’m reading your posts lying in bed looking at the rain and drinking tea; the dog and the cat are also on my bed and I’ve picked up my phone and found your posts. Yesterday in the same situation I was bereft;tears flowed and I couldn’t feel positive at all; I felt like closing my eyes and not waking up;not being alive felt like my only choice even though I have two other children, a loving husband and family and great friends… the reason I’m saying this is that today is different. I still feel very sad deep inside but I don’t feel as down, I had a good sleep and can see good things to come, I can smile for what Charley did and who he was. My point ( very badly put) is that every day is different and some days are awful and some are beginning to be brilliant again. I don’t want to be identified by my grief and I don’t want to not be the super fun, confident mum I was. I’m going to be Charley’s mum forever and I’m going to be resilient and wonderful to my other two children and my husband and everybody.
We are not alone , we are brave and human and have been dealt a cruel blow , we will get lost in the intense pain of grief but we will also feel joy again, I never thought I would but it’s happening, even the smallest comforts like a half hour lie in with tea and pets can make you feel alive and able to go on…
Dear Johns mum
I know exactly how you feel - I lost my anazing daughter to cancer in December 2018 , Em was 29. At first the support you receive is amazing - we felt a little stronger from all of the love everyone had felt for Em passing on to us but inevitably people go back to their own lives. I went back to work quite soon after and some days it feels as if I never had a daughter. I wish i could say something to ease your pain - I’m sure you do the same as all of us in this awful situation - keeping busy, looking to those we still have in our life to love and care for - you mention your other son who must need you more than ever. Stay strong, sadly you are not alone as you can see from this site. I also used The compassionate friends who put me in touch with other bereaved parents - sometimes it helps. Sending you much love xxx