I’m going through a strange grief. I didn’t get on well with my dad, he died of cancer in 2023. I did my best for him despite our differences.
I’m now obsessing about my grandad, his dad, who I never met. He died suddenly when he was exactly my current age, 3 years before I was born. By all accounts he was really lovely. I’m extremely like him, in looks, personality, abilities and an uncommon non threatening health condition.
I have almost nothing of his, as my grandma moved house quickly after he died, I assume it was all disposed of. Now my mum has sudden onset dementia. I unknowingly only had a short time when I started asking her about him, and now I can’t. I’m worried I’m going to throw out his few remaining things now I’m clearing the house, because I won’t recognise them.
I have a few photos of him, one gardening. I even went on satellite view on Google maps to see if his garden had changed, and wrote a poem for him.
I know what has triggered all this - it’s like he’s the dad I wish mine was. I can’t comprehend how he was so nice but my dad wasn’t.
I’m so very sad I never met him, looking back, it feels like the heart was ripped out of my childhood. I’d have been his first grandchild. He only had sons, and was very fond of my mum, so I just know I’d have been the apple of his eye. I keep crying for him 
I’m even sadder because our family is dying out, so he’ll have no legacy, which I’m sure he would have wanted.
I’m going to have his and nan’s grave restored when I can afford it. I’ve already posted a bit about him and his business on a local history forum, so he’s not forgotten.
Has anyone else experienced something like this?
