Trauma after Trauma

Losing a parent
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My mother was very tragically and unexpectedly taken from me. The past few months has been the most difficult times of my life. It’s been trauma after trauma….. everything which can go wrong in my life hasd gone wrong and still going wrong. I’m paying the price for being a faithful son to my darling mother. Life, does not make sense - I’ve seen mankind at It’s worst. I’ve always been optimistic about things but I no longer look forward to anything because it feels as that something bad will happen. My mother is just gone, I desperately want to dream of her, but I don’t. I’ve never cried as much in my life, I usually don’t cry but her passing broke me. My circle of friends and support is no more. It’s a very very lonely road - I thought that I understood death when I had losses in the past. However, I had never experienced grief like this and I no longer understand death. There’s anger inside me because my mother left me with so much to cope with, but I miss her terribly. People say that she is with me but at the moment I don’t feel as if she is. I’ve always been a devoted Christian but my faith has been shaken. It feels as if heaven has gone silent on me, nothing is coming from there, no answers, only trauma. It’s only after she left this earth that I realised that no one loves you as much as your mother does. I could call her anytime of the day or night, and she would be on the other side of the phone, or she would call me. I guess, I was a mummy’s boy. I cherished her up to the very end and even in death. I read something many years ago that the heart can die of sadness and I wonder will that happen to me, or will I have the same strength and resilience my darling mother had……

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Hello @Andrew5,

I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community - thank you for having the courage to share this with us. I’m so sorry to hear about your mother. Many of our members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one, so you’re among people who understand some of what you’re going through.

I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support. In the meantime, you may wish to look at these Sue Ryder resources which might be helpful.

I really hope you find the community helpful and a good source of support and I also hope you feel you can access more support should you need it.

Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out if you feel able to, and know that you are not alone.

Take care,

Alex

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Oh! I m so sorry for your loss. I remember being so sad when my mum died 23 years ago. There isn’t a day goes past when I don’t think about her in some way. At the time I had good family support which helped. I hope you have someone you can lean on. I had my partner then but unfortunately he died eleven months ago.

Losing your anchor in life is devastating regardless of who it is and grief can be relentless, especially in the early months. Everyone works through their grief at their own pace, some find councelling beneficial. I hope you find some peace in the months ahead. Take care.

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Hello Andrew5,
I’m so sorry about the loss of your mum. It’s such a tough thing to cope with. My mum passed away on May 1st last year and I’m still struggling, not really recovering.
I do read that broken hearts can suffer but I think with good support and guidance from people alike will help you through.
I completely understand your deepest loss from the passing of your mum and the pain of now navigating through what a life without mum feels like.
People will say she is with you and by your side. It can be a comfort but when reality comes and you look around and find just the emptyness of life without our mums it can be all too much and to relieve the pain is just to cry.
Your faith may be shaken it is such a cruel world. How our lovely mums, a link to our past who knew us, cared for us, helped us with all their love are no more. It takes huge amounts of courage and belief to move forward again.
I believe you will find that strength in time, however long you may take. You are not alone here on this thread. I have found that people here can really relate and understand what you are going through. Do continue to post on here. With help and support you will find it a little bit easier to process the loss of your mum.
Take care sending you warmest wishes. Wuu

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I am in those early stages of grief for my husband, I feel the same as you it’s a gut wrenching pain, I have booked a bereavement counsellor in a couple of weeks, i hope it helps.

If you are feeling as I am my heart is with you, and I hope you can move forward but if you need help try the different bereavement support counsellors out there

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I’m so, so sorry for your pain.

I lost my mum last June and then my husband of 44yrs in the September.

Both were my world.

Like you say noone loves like a loving mum. It’s unconditional and pure.

Try your best to bring that love to yourself. Fill your lost, tortured soul with it.

I am sure you will find someone here that has or is going through the same pain, the same loss and possibly you can share your thoughts.

Sending love and hugs xx

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Hi Andrew5

I am so very sorry for your loss and where you find yourself now.

One of the places I found the most support was Andy’s Man Club, they run across the UK every Monday at 7pm.

I was a little sceptical/nervous/fearful, and a whole lot of other feelings, on my first visit. But my local group put me very much at ease.

It has given me a place where I can talk openly, cry openly, not feel alone, without judgement, about how I’ve been feeling about the loss of my partner. It has very much become a lifeline.

I hope that as time goes on you find some peace and support.

But thought I’d mention it, check there website for local venues should you be interested.

Wishing you all the very best.

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Hi @Andrew5 , I’m so sorry to read your message. How are you doing today?