Trauma

I lost my sister recently, who was my best friend. Her death was sudden and traumatic, and I’m struggling to deal with both the loss and the memories of what happened. I can’t think of her without going over what happened - this is leaving me completely broken and I think I’m also having panic attacks.
I’ve spoken to several counsellors over the phone who suggested therapy may be too soon (the event happened around 6 weeks ago). I don’t know how to deal with the sadness and despair I feel. All my wonderful memories of my sister are so painful to think about. I feel guilt, even though I don’t think I could have done anything more than I did to save her.
I haven’t yet gone back to work, but am being encouraged to return by my boss who thinks it will help me.
I don’t know what to do for the best. How do I what is best to do?

Hi.
I am so sorry to read of your loss. I’d try to get some form of counselling if you can or someone that is close to you. There are counsellors here and they do an online service too. My wife passed away on the 26th of January and I am undergoing counselling already so I find it rather disappointing that you have been told it’s too soon. I feel when its very raw in the early days that is when you need as much support as possible.
Don’t be frightened to open up here, i’m sure we all understand your feelings and sharing does help.
Take care
Trevor x

Hi.
I was thinking about returning to work. My three children were off work for over 6 weeks but that included two weeks prior to Anne passing. Work can help to take your mind off grief but it will depend on the work you do and how well you feel when at your work. My youngest daughter is an Art teacher and guidance and the school said that she should take as long as is necessary to be in a better place to return to work. if your job relies on you for really strong concentration, driving or other roles that could be a problem if you are still in a bad place, consider taking more time out if you are able or can afford to do so. Sometimes being with work mates or doing things can help, only you yourself can find that out, you could also try going in for a couple of days and see how you get on, it may be fine for you and I sincerely hope it is.

Hello and welcome to the site- My heart goes out to you.Your words could be mine. I also lost my precious sister suddenly and traumatically, and my life has never been the same. Like you, we were best friends, and soul mates. She was my light, and we did everything together. I understand the panic attacks, as I often feel like I cannot breath. My loss is coming up to a year in May, and I cannot believe I have been without her that long. I am in counselling, started about 3 months after she died, but only you will know when you are ready. I would say there is no right or wrong time. I would suggest trying it. I find it helpful, as well as joining a support group at the hospital that treated my sister for cancer. Coming to this site is a great comfort, and has gotten me through many a dark and lonely night. Going back to work was very hard in the beginning, and I thought I rushed back too soon. After a while, however, it served as a temporary distraction, and gave me a reason to get up and out of the house. Again, it is entirely up to you. I do better when I am busy, yet we are all different. Do not pressure yourself right now. Your loss is so fresh and you must still be in shock. Go slowly, and know that your feelings are valid, and are a testament to the love you have for your Sister. I hope you have family/friend support. You will find kind and caring people here, so please continue to reach out. I understand how devastating the loss of a sibling can be, they were our history. We lost a vital part of ourselves. I feel your sadness, and will be here for you any time. Xxx Sister2

Hi Trevor,
Thank you for your kind reply. I am sorry to hear about the loss of your wife.
I spent an hour on the phone today trying to organise some therapy, but was passed from pillar to post- after going over what had happened to my sister four times with various organisations I called it a day. Hopefully I’ll have better luck tomorrow. Thanks again for your support x

Hi,
Thank you for your message, though I am so sorry that you lost your sister, it really means a lot speaking to someone else in a similar situation. It’s difficult when the person you need most is the one who can’t be there.
You are so right- it feels like the past has been stolen as well as the future we hoped for. I get so panicked at the thought of my memories of my sister being forgotten, she was always the one reminding me of things I’d long forgotten.
I’m lucky to have a wonderful and supportive husband, and although I do talk to him about our loss he deals with things very differently to me. He can focus on happy memories of my sister which brings him strength, where all my memories seem tainted- they just remind me of the loss. Xxx

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