I’m Writing this because I can’t sleep much anymore, I don’t really know what to do… I lost my little brother a few weeks ago and it was so sudden and unexpected he went into hospital with stomach pains and passed away within the week, never got a definite answer what happened as they refused to do surgery to check because he was disabled and said it would be to risky and would cause more pain. But the 6-7 days I was in the hospital with him he was in so much pain and I’d had to beg the nurses and doctors to give him more morphine so he didn’t have to feel it anymore, we got told he wasn’t going to make it. trying to come to terms with that was already so hard but the last days of his life consisted of what I can only call torture not enough care and limited pain relief for someone they knew was on end of life, I watched the most innocent little boy my little brother die so slowly and painfully and I couldn’t do anything about it and I just feel so much guilt, I can’t sleep I can just see his face and flashbacks of the noises and rattling and seeing someone I love disappear. I don’t know how to come to terms with it, I can’t think normally anymore I hate that the world just keeps on moving. I don’t know where to go for help
I’m so sorry this has happened to you. I really do feel your pain. I too lost my younger brother on 20 Oct this year. He was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and died in less than 3 weeks. I still can’t believe it. It was so quick and such a shock.
I wish I had words of comfort but I know I can’t say anything that will take away your pain . What has helped me is to write my feelings down and to talk about what happened.
I have found that looking at photos of him when he was well is helping to replace the image I have of him in his last days when he was so ill.
Be kind to yourself and take time to grieve. You obviously loved your brother very much as I did with mine.
Take care
I’m so very very sorry for everything you and your beloved brother had to endure. It helped me a little to complain to the hospital, so if you feel up to it that might be something to consider. It won’t change anything, but for me it felt good to tell them just how awful I thought they were and how badly they had behaved. And get answers to questions I had.
Try to talk to your GP to begin with. See what kind of support they can offer and if they can recommend something to help you sleep. I often talk here about trauma counselling. Losing someone is a kind of trauma, especially if it’s under such terrible circumstances and you have flashbacks of the event. So that’s the direction I would suggest. All depending on what you can manage and have the energy for, of course, I know the first weeks are a complete blur. Sending hugs.
Thank you for your kind words, it’s always nice to know I’m not on my own with these feelings. I’m so sorry for your loss. I always tell myself where there is pain there was irreplaceable love and that we’re lucky to of experienced that and them <3
Hi @Bel3 welcome to the club no one wants to join but all of us will at some point. I personally have found this forum really helpful. i find the online element helpful i can open up more than in person - tried a support group thru work but couldn’t handle people face2face. My circumstances are different from yours. They gave mum morphine but she reacted badly to it. They told us mum wasn’t gonna make it in a storage cupboard - it had windows but the dr sat on a bin while he told us. Hardly the best but think the staff did their best.
It helped me a little to complain to the hospital, so if you feel up to it that might be something to consider. It won’t change anything, but for me it felt good to tell them just how awful I thought they were and how badly they had behaved. And get answers to questions I had.