I lost my mum 6 months ago, and I’m really, really struggling. Every time I think of my mums death I just think of how it’s left me simply traumatised. There are no others words. I do know in this country we have a procedure we have to go through for our ending to be as easy and painless as possible. But my sisters and myself were called back to the hospice 4 times saying this may be it. Just watching my mum slowly being medicated and declining over 3 weeks was just unbareable and has left a massive lasting effect on me right now. I do have mental health issues of depression and severe anxiety so I will obviously struggle to deal with this. The thing is we do know It was not the ending our mum wanted and not what she wanted us to see. Help with mental health issues is not easy to get right now, I accept that. But right now I just feel like I’m the only one in this position though I’m sure I’m not, which is why I’ve joined this group, is there anyone that is able to relate to what I am saying and could maybe offer some advice? Thank you in advance xx


Hello FeeFee. I’m sure you’ll get lots of really helpful replies. I lost my Mum last week in a manic hospital assessment unit where I don’t think anyone knew what compassion is. It was Mum’s end of life and it shouldn’t have been like that so I can understand the distress. I have anxiety with depression too and I can see that playing a part down the line. The only advice I could give is not to bottle things up in the hope they’ll go away as they seldom do. I found this when I lost my Husband several years ago. Sorry I don’t have more wisdom to offer but I’m sure others will have. All the best and kind thoughts to you and your sisters.


Hi Feefee sorry you lost your mom. I lost my son 7 months ago and I too suffer from anxiety and depression. Unfortunately we constantly go over everything in our minds don’t we, round and round never giving ourselves a break. I have had many antidepressants in the past and counselling, but it continues. I lost my mother 6 years ago to. I don’t think many of us go the way we would want to but I am sure your mother had the best care in the hospice, although everything is so difficult now with Covid which makes it more distressing. It’s really painful and you must be feeling how can you go on, our moms have always been there for us and the one we turn to for comfort and help. It’s good you have a sister to confide in she must be feeling the same. You have to just take one day at a time and get through as best you can, Christmas just adds to the pain I think we are all finding it difficult here at this time. I don’t know how we get through this but this site really has helped me . Keep posting for support and reading other people’s posts you will find we are all going through the same things and others further down the line say it does get better although it seems right now all too black and pointless. I light a candle every day for my son and talk to him and listen to music, I have been reading lots of self help books as well as I have lost interest in the tv. Nothing really helps only time I think , being kind to yourself and talking to supportive friends . Your mother would want you to be happy and not dwell on her illness .
Take care jss


It’s awful losing someone so close to you. This group helps you find that you are not alone in your feelings and everyone values your comments. It’s tough! So tough! My only peace is The Sue Ryder and the beloved community x

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