My partner passed away 6 months ago next week. Every day i still get the picture of her in my head looking at me with fear and terror in her eyes. The look of please help me and i couldn’t do anything to help. Anyone else get this feeling
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Yes. This is very hard to come to terms with. The important thing is that she had you there with her. Be kind to yourself
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I too have experienced similar feelings when my mum was really poorly nearing the end of her life. I had flashbacks a lot, and have kind of had to train my mind to push them out. It’s really hard to do, as if I thought about it too much it will break me. You are so right in saying the word traumatised. It’s nothing short of it watching someone or in my case hearing it (as we were on the phone due to covid and no visitors in hospital). This again tears me apart thinking of what she went through alone. Take care. I hope over time you can do what I do and force it with all your might out of your mind, and bring to the forefront all the lovely memories of your partner.
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Only people who have experienced this sort of end of life alongside there loved ones will understand the trauma we have encountered. Having been forced to care at home alone, because of the affects of COVID and the lack of staff in all professional fields after meant I had to deal with both my mum dying with cancer and my sister also with cancer dying just months after. I still am completely traumatized, have flash backs and out of no where panic attacks. I wear a brave face but I struggle daily with all the thoughts and fears , had a 6wk NHs therapy though talking therapies , it only touched the surface and was finished before we even got started on my panic issues. Like you I will never till the day I die forget the pain and fear on there faces (they both died at home) as no beds were available either at hospital or at hospice. Oh how brave they were to endure and yes how brave we were to love and attend to them throughout it all right untill they died in our arms. Thinking of you and let’s hope that the triggers and flashbacks can be controlled at some point in our lives love karen77 x
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Oh Karen I’m so sorry. I can’t even begin to imagine how hard that was for you to witness, and as you say for them to bravely endure. Sending hugs 
god bless them, together in paradise 
free from all the hurt and pain. I am sorry that your nhs sessions only scratched the surface. Have you been in touch with Cruse bereavement? Yes close your eyes and think of the happy times with them. I hope you are ok and coping. They would be so proud of all the wonderful care you gave them in hideous, lonely, isolating covid times. You are incredible and deserve to be happy and live on in their memory. Xx