I don’t really know what to say. I lost my mum in March after 3 years of cancer, she was in a hospice for the last 8 weeks of her life and had what can only be described as a long and horrible decline. I was with her everyday and saw the pain and suffering she was in, towards the end she lost her personality and went from being a strong, funny, caring individual to a small and frightened little girl.
I don’t want to go into too much detail as I’m sure a lot of you have been through similar but I can’t get over the way she died. It really haunts me especially at night and I can’t help thinking of the last days she was here and how scared she must have been. People keep telling me to think of her as she was but I can’t, I just see her tears and the pain in her face.
I think the worst part is people including family telling me how strong and brave she was throughout her illness (which she undoubtedly was) but they weren’t there during the worst times, I was the one she told about her suffering and I don’t want to change anybody’s memory of her but I can’t talk to anyone about the way I feel and the nightmares i’m having.
I just want to know if anyone else had this and is there a point when I’ll just get back to remembering my mum?