My husband of 28 years died in August 2017 - 36 days after he had been diagnosed with a brain tumour. He had surgery to remove as much as possible, but it was an aggressive cancer which grew back almost immediately. Watching him disappear in front of me almost hour by hour was torture: I could do nothing to help him and because of the nature of his cancer, we couldn’t even have a proper conversation about what had happened to him.
My life has been turned upside down and inside out. I had to give up my job/career because I knew I couldn’t keep doing what I had relied on him to do for so long. I feel incredibly lonely and lost; life has lost its purpose and meaning and I stare into the future and feel like I cannot face it. I wish we had died together so that neither of us was the one ‘left behind’.
Does this ‘get better’? People say it does. I don’t know. All I DO know is that I am going to miss him for the rest of my life and - at this point - I really don’t care how long the rest of my life is: the shorter the better, to be honest.