Trudging on after 9 months

My husband of 28 years died in August 2017 - 36 days after he had been diagnosed with a brain tumour. He had surgery to remove as much as possible, but it was an aggressive cancer which grew back almost immediately. Watching him disappear in front of me almost hour by hour was torture: I could do nothing to help him and because of the nature of his cancer, we couldn’t even have a proper conversation about what had happened to him.

My life has been turned upside down and inside out. I had to give up my job/career because I knew I couldn’t keep doing what I had relied on him to do for so long. I feel incredibly lonely and lost; life has lost its purpose and meaning and I stare into the future and feel like I cannot face it. I wish we had died together so that neither of us was the one ‘left behind’.

Does this ‘get better’? People say it does. I don’t know. All I DO know is that I am going to miss him for the rest of my life and - at this point - I really don’t care how long the rest of my life is: the shorter the better, to be honest.

David -

This is so sad and awful for you . That’s how I feel after losing my partner. I wish we’d gone together as well, we’d spent 47 years together and wanted to enjoy our retirement and grow old helping each other as we always had. I can’t see any future without him.

I hope you have someone you can talk to about your lovely husband , I’ve just started seeing a counsellor and at least I can say what I want to them and not what people want to hear. My brother asked me if "I’d had a good day " I can’t imagine ever having a good day again.

I’ve tried to find things that make me feel better and the only thing that’s helped is making a folder of photos, cards, notes he’d sent me, holiday souvenirs. They all bring back lovely memories and show how much he cared but it can be painful as well.

Take care and I hope you find a little peace. x

Hi

I am so sorry to read of the loss of your husband and in such a short period of time as well. It must have been so hard for you, 36 days is nothing and for your husband to go through surgery as well is awful.

My Mum was diagnosed with several tumours in her brain in 2016. We were told they were inoperable and she would have 2-3 months left to live. She lived 6 weeks. I shall never forget watching my clever, witty and lovely Mum disappear by the day and as you say to be able to do nothing about it was hell on earth. The cocktail of drugs given to Mum dulled the pain she was in and her mind so I grabbed at the small amounts of time when she could talk to me.

I do know this isn’t quite the same as what you are going through. The loss of your parents is something that we know we will have to go through at some stage in life. The loss of a husband, wife or partner is even more insurmountable I would imagine. I lived with my Mum so miss her every day.

All I can do is send you all my sympathy and say that for me the more dreadful memories of the time when Mum was so ill have faded somewhat. The pain of loss for me is still all pervading some days but others I get through somehow. I would not describe it as ‘getting better’ it is more the realisation that life will never be the same again.

There are some wonderful people on this site who will I am sure reply to your message as well. Keep coming back if you need someone to ‘chat to’ online.

Mel
Xx

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