Having a bereavement truly does make you realise who are your real friends. When I lost my mum 9 years ago, 2 exceptional friends were there for me and I don’t how I would have got through without them. For reasons I won’t go into, those friends are not in my life anymore but now I have lost my partner 2 months ago, an ex-colleage has come in for me and phones me everyday and is a gem the way she listens to me, offers me support and comforts me and is caring and non-judgemental. She was there for me as soon as she heard Dave was ill and might not live. However, friends who I thought were friends have lost patience with me, don’t ever phone me, make excuses not to meet up with me and basically couldn’t give a damn. It does make me question whether I want to continue with these so called friends who avoid a friend in her hour of need. They will not be my priority in future, that’s for sure. Best wishes to all from Karen. XX
This is so common Karen.
I lost my DH 4 months ago and I can only count three friends and my son who are always there for me at the end of a phone.
The friend who contacts nearly every day has a very sick husband in a home, so she understands what it’s like to be alone. Strangely, we were never as close before my DH died.
Another friend was widowed a month before and the men were friends. A third is just caring and keeps in touch…
As for friends from the couples we knew, they have been in sporadic contact but it’s awkward to meet up now I’m alone. They tend to come out with me to walk the dog.
I think I have been unemphatic when people I knew were bereave, so understand where they are coming from. This is much worse than losing a parent, but I’m learning to be more sympathetic to people who are hurting.
I think you should give these ‘friends’ the benefit of the doubt but also realise maybe the friendship was not as deep as you thought. This situation certainly sorts out who your friends really are!