Each day is a struggle, I’m always in survival mode, I lost the love of my life in October suddenly with no warning, we have been together since we were 14 I am now 65. I’m trying so hard to keep going as life is short and each day should count. How do I find my happy place again. We did everything together. He was my best friend and made me laugh. Life is cruel.
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Bless you my lovely.
I’m so sorry you had to join us.
But you have found a good place here.
Hopefully you will get some comfort from reading others posts… From people walking their own grief journeys.
Just be kind to yourself, and do your grief , your way, in your own time
Hugs and love 
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It is a cruel world lost mine in October too my soul mate my everything x
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@Linda1111
It is such early days for you and survival mode is our default human reaction to shock, trauma and loss. Like you I am 65 this June and met my Jim on a school cruise age 10 so 54yrs, that, like you is all my life and he died suddenly too. It takes time to absorb the shock then time to process it and somewhere along this journey we reach an acceptance. The happy place you mention is right there in your heart and soul along with gratitude of having known that love you shared with your soulmate. Happiness is not found externally, it comes from within you where love resides. It is a journey, not a destination. Love gives us strength, hope and a reason to live and most importantly that is the very legacy they gift us when the depart their earthly physical body. Love is energy and never dies. Give yourself time, kindness and patience. There is no map, no timeline, it’s a knowing that you arrive at that looks for the joy and reason we are still here. It’s also a gratitude and a blessing that we have been gifted to still be on this journey, whatever it may hold
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@Sarlyn
THANK YOU
That is one of the main at inspirational/ understanding/ wisdom filled (can’t think of correct word) posts.
Tears streaming down my face… Because I’m feeling so much for you, and that you have put into the most eloquent of words so much of how I feel.
I’m having a particularly tough time at the moment (17 months)
Love , hugs and blessings my grief friends 
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@Cathphil
It’s ok to have a bad day, a tough time, we are human and overthink and question everything we feel, or do, we put so much unnecessary pressure on ourselves… don’t do it, let it all flow through you, feel it, own it and don’t analysis it. We are our own best counsellors, no counsellor in the world can give you comfort, reassurance, answers better than we can ourselves. We fear our own thoughts, emotions, become scared of our own shadows, fear loneliness and the list goes on. We look for ways out of our misery, we think we are going crazy, we over focus on ourselves when there is no need. We are living and breathing and that’s all we need to know. If we have good health, a roof over our head’s and love in our hearts what more can we possibly want or need? Anything else is a bonus. When we learn to release ourselves of any expectations is when we truly begin to live. Hugs Lyn x
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@Cathphil I am no more inspirational than you or anyone else, I just learned to let go…Xmas was my rock bottom and I sat there thinking about when I was a child, carefree, full of excitement and joy, simple things… I tried to recreate what that was and it is simply this…the innocence of a child is they wake up and seize the day, they have no expectations, no plans, no goals but to see the fun and joy in all they do. …I decided then and there that going forwards it was ok not to always be an adult and weighed down with life’s experiences just because life says I am 64 and bereaved in loss and everything else that heaps upon us. I can remember falling over and my bottom lip would crumple but then the fun was getting up and walking again full of fun that I was doing it again. We have to unburden ourselves and there is an innocent child in all of us and I am exploring the child in me and letting go of everything that pulls/weighs me down. When we are gone, we are gone so every second counts. Children can teach us so much
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Lovely words… I hope I can find happiness again…. So hard to imagine a full life without him he was a very special person 
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So very true .