Trying to come to terms with loosing my best friend (brother)

On June 5th 2015 my whole life changed completely. It started as a normal day but, little did I realise how it was going to end. I received a phone call from my best friend’s sister asking if I could go round for a chat. I instantly knew something wasn’t right. I went round and was told the news that my best friend of 14 years had been involved in a car accident and had passed away. This completely broke me. I didn’t know what to do I completely closed myself off from everyone. I am married and had 2 children at the time and I completely shut myself off from them. I have never received any help trying to come to terms with loosing my best friend (my brother). We did everything together and to suddenly loose that still is very difficult to come to terms with. Since that day I have completely changed as a person and this is why I am writing this because I don’t like that person I have become and need some help to get into a better position not just for me but also for my children and my wife because this has impacted on them massively. I have become very aggressive, I have become distant, suicidal, very closed off to the point I have pushed what friends I had left away. I am scared of getting close to people because I feel if I get too close they will go also. I am very depressed meaning I am not motivated to socialise, to exercise, sometimes to just do the day to day things. As you can imagine this is having a massive impact on my daily life. My best friend was my best man at my wedding and one of the hardest things for me to deal with is the fact I never got to return the favour. If anybody has any advise on how I can start to overcome or deal with these issues it would be really appreciated.

Hello Ben,

Welcome to this community - I’m glad you’ve found this space to share how you’re feeling with others who have experienced something similar.

I am so very sorry to hear that you lost your best friend suddenly in 2015 and that you’ve been struggling so much since then. What you’ve described is not unusual following a bereavement, particularly if you’ve not had the opportunity to get any support.

You mention that you’re feeling depressed and that you’re become suicidal. Are you currently getting any support from your GP to help you with this? I would encourage you to go and have a conversation if you’re not already getting help. These feelings are normal, but they can become overwhelming without any support. If you’re worried and need to talk please do call the Samaritans on 116 123 - they’re around 24/7.

I’m sure you’ll get some replies with advice on how to manage what you’re going through soon, but in the mean time have a read through of the posts in the community. There’s also a website called What’s Your Grief that has a number of really helpful articles about coping with grief:

take care of yourself and let me know if I can do anything to support you.

With best wishes,

Hello Eleanor. Thank you for getting back to me. This is really appreciated. I will be having a look through the other posts and will be looking at the link provided. Yes I do feel very suicidal at times but am dealing with depression and anxiety on a daily basis. I have been to the doctor’s once but felt like they were not interested in helping. This put me off them tbh because i felt like they didn’t want to help. Many people have told me that I do need to seek some sort of help through my GP but because of past experiences I do not have faith in my GP surgery especially. I desperately want to get better or at least work on dealing with problems so I am hoping that this site will help. I have heard reviews about this site prior to joining and have had some good feedback about it. Again thanknyoy Eleanor for getting in contact

Hi Ben,

I completely understand your reluctance to speak to your GP after such an unhelpful experience. If you felt that talking therapies may be useful, you are able to self-refer to many NHS services without going via your GP. You can search for what’s available in your area here:

Do keep talking to us here as long as it helps and I hope you find the support you need.

Take care,

Thank you Eleanor. I really appreciate you coming back to me again and for providing me with more information. I will be sure to look at this. One of the hardest things for me is opening up to how I feel because I feel people will judge me or not understand. I feel I need to start opening up more though because I can’t keep holding things in my head any longer. This is why I have joined this site because I am hoping this gives me the confidence to open up more and then I can build and start to get my life back on track.