Trying to cope

It’s getting harder each day and not easier. Family are supportive but this is just so overwhelming.

Hi very sorry for your loss early days 9 months for me I wish I could say it’s gets easier for me no I seem to be going backwards. I was chatting to a lady on here for her 5 years on she writes a blog from the start of her bereavement every thing she wrote we can relate to.
Take care of yourself x

Iyndal,
Hi I am not the best person to reply on here, as I have only been a widower for 7 going on 8 months, but if you would bare with my reply and not take insult from my words.
Brief bit after 34 years of marriage, 3 living together before that, due to heart and lung problems Helen passed away.
I was hit bad, the first week or two were crying and either sleepless with nightmares, or deep fast sleep.
I have experienced quite a lot of grief before, parents, inlaws, 5 year old nephew when I was 12, and all of the grandparents.
I had 3 choices,

  1. wallowing and give up. No.
  2. Relatives and being molly coddled. No.
  3. Accept the fact that I had been presented a new life, and to “get on with it”,
    The family dealt with the funeral and a few of the money aspects.
    As mentioned above
    My choice is 3.
    It’s hard and lonely at times. Especially when in lockdown.
    My job is regarded as essential so not a lot of sitting at home.
    Friends have asked me if I am alright, I noticed that the reply was rarely listened to.
    This site and occasionally letting the expressed concerns vent, the replies help, including the comments of hopefully help. No one is absolutely right or wrong.
    Including me.
    I wish you all the best and give the virtual hug.
    I do hope that you find yourself an answer xxxx

I did for a while consider “what would Helen have expected of me,” that helped, but the desire and determination to remain in control of my own needs and circumstances remains my impetus xxxxx

I just want to add this to yhe previous

Helen had supported me through several of lifes trials, including health conditions, as I had for Helen, at the time of her death, during the last 2 months, i had been unable to in any way change the obvious end. The family had begun to “accept the inevitable”, before the end.
This doesn’t remove the pain, lonely and seemingly impossible situation.
But we had discussions about the future and I would not be honouring Helen if I gave up, or resigned my life to others, and in the process become a burden to the children. All of whom have their lives.
So no 3 is the logical sensible and responsible option

Thanks Colin.

I feel your pain, my mum died 6 weeks ago and I am still stunned with grief.
I kissed her picture today and asked her to give me a sign she was with me. I’ve only just realised in my sadness, that the song “We’ll meet again “ has been on auto replay, in my head all day .

Hello Kim 5
Your words say exactly how I feel
I lost my husband 9 months ago aswell and as times gone on I feel it’s becoming harder I thought it was only me feeling like this Looking back the months seem to have passed by in a blur and now I feel stuck in this void of sadness and loneliness
Take care Kim and I’m very sorry for your loss
Christine x

I know what your going through, every day is tough. Big hugs. X

And to you too Lyndal
I’m sharing your pain
Thinking of you
Christine x

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